Worst Lines in All of Bond

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  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    Posts: 9,020
    jobo wrote: »
    Elvis speaking Swiss German on the phone to his mother in QOS.
    The most embarrassing scene ever in a Bond movie for the Swiss.
    He's the worst thing anyway in the whole franchise.


    Oh yeah? What did he say? :)
    and @Creasy47

    It looses some of its unintentional hilarity when translated. Elvis is talking to his mother, as if he was on holiday there.
    The dialogue:
    «Jo Mami, isch scho chli heiss hie, bruechsch no öppis?»

    Yeah Mommy, it's a bit hot here, you fancy anything that I can bring you?


    Taubman declared in an interview that it was Marc Forsters idea that he should phone his mother in that scene.
    Mathieu Almaric thought it a good idea to do it in Swiss-German, Mathieu and Anatole made up the 2 minute phone call within one hour. Some of the dialogue was done in French as Anatole and his mother (in reality) are bilingual, as are a lot of Swiss people.

    Luckily for all of us the editor trimmed that phone-call to a few seconds, I really don't want to imagine Elvis talking in his hilarious accent for two minutes in Swiss-German with his mother on screen....

    I have to admit though, at the time, the Swiss audience laughed loud out when that scene came up, it is funny but embarrassing as well.

    I have that interview, but it's in German of course. If anyone is interested I can post it and/or the links.

    Some newspapers titled the movie "Quantum of Swiss" by the way :)) back in 2008.
    Marc Forster also is Swiss, but I'm sure you people know that.
  • Posts: 11,189
    I don't know about the worst, but the cringiest line in all of Bond for me comes from A View To A Kill.

    'I think I should be able to find that'

    Just writing it down doesn't do it justice. You have to hear the delivery, and Moore's expression. Priceless.

    "That feels wonderful"
    "Feels even better from where I'm sitting. Would you like it harder?"

    "Drat, I dropped the soap"
    "I'll get it *giggles*
    "THAT is not the soap"
    :-& :-&
  • Birdleson wrote: »
    Pretty much anything J.W Pepper utters out in TMWTGG

    Those are some of my favorites.

    Same here.

    "Now you listen heya troopah boy! We got a swamp full o' black Russians drivin' boats to beat the band!"

  • Last_Rat_StandingLast_Rat_Standing Long Neck Ice Cold Beer Never Broke My Heart
    Posts: 4,382
    I like Pepper in LALD, but I just felt the whole him being in Thailand thing a little too much.
  • Pajan005Pajan005 Stockholm, Sweden
    edited October 2015 Posts: 432
    I got too late. Most of those I dislike have been mentioned.

    Perhaps Lazenby in OHMSS: This never happened to the other fella. It is a bit strange since it kind of breaks the fourth wall, It does make me laugh though.
  • Another line I've never understood, when Bond breaks in M's flat in CR he says "I'll shoot the camera next time", and M says ""or yourself".

    Eh? What's that mean?
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,371
    shamanimal wrote: »
    Another line I've never understood, when Bond breaks in M's flat in CR he says "I'll shoot the camera next time", and M says ""or yourself".

    Eh? What's that mean?

    He's apologizing for allowing himself to be caught on camera shooting an unarmed man, so he said he'll shoot the camera first next time so he isn't caught. Her retort is meant (rather harshly) as Bond could shoot himself instead, so he isn't caught doing something like that again.
  • I can see that, but for me it doesn't quite work. There's another example in the Craig era but I'm damned if I can remember.

    Dalton's 'Exquisite' line to Karla always jarred. All of a sudden he's moved by music?
  • Mendes4LyfeMendes4Lyfe The long road ahead
    Posts: 7,969
    shamanimal wrote: »
    I can see that, but for me it doesn't quite work. There's another example in the Craig era but I'm damned if I can remember.

    Dalton's 'Exquisite' line to Karla always jarred. All of a sudden he's moved by music?

    What about 'are you calling me a horses arse?'

    Smooth, Tim.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,371
    @shamanimal, I would agree that it's a rather harsh thing for M to say to him, but obviously it doesn't affect Bond in the slightest.
  • Creasy47 wrote: »
    @shamanimal, I would agree that it's a rather harsh thing for M to say to him, but obviously it doesn't affect Bond in the slightest.

    "I would ask you if you could remain emotionally detached, but that's not your problem, is it, Bond?"

    "No."

  • Posts: 485
    For me it has to be ""That should keep you in curry for a few weeks "
    Anything Boris says in GE, particularly any reference to being 'spiked'
    Birdleson wrote: »
    Can I simply nominate GOLDENEYE's dialogue en masse?

    Glad I'm not alone. I know it's a favourite film for a lot of people but the dialogue is excruciating. Especially the jarring " For England James" we repeatedly endure from Bean right to the end. The "I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis drown out the screams of the men you've killed" line was a hilariously naive way of trying to make the film seem profound.
  • doubleoegodoubleoego #LightWork
    Posts: 11,139
    Bond...da na da naaaaaaa...James Bond
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    edited October 2015 Posts: 23,883
    Cowley wrote: »
    For me it has to be ""That should keep you in curry for a few weeks "
    Anything Boris says in GE, particularly any reference to being 'spiked'
    Birdleson wrote: »
    Can I simply nominate GOLDENEYE's dialogue en masse?

    Glad I'm not alone. I know it's a favourite film for a lot of people but the dialogue is excruciating. Especially the jarring " For England James" we repeatedly endure from Bean right to the end. The "I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis drown out the screams of the men you've killed" line was a hilariously naive way of trying to make the film seem profound.

    I think GE was intentionally trying to be camp. There is no other explanation for some of the lines in that film. Having said that, I can't get enough of it personally.....such good fun..all delivered with such OTT charisma by all concerned (I remember them all like it was yesterday)

    "Lovely girl......tastes like.....like strawberries!" ..."I wouldn't know".... "I would!".... "mmmm"

    "Stop it! Both of you!. You're like....like boys with toys!"

    ""You know James...I was always better"

    "Do you know how to disarm the weapon?" ... "I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming"

    "You were saying something about the lost art of interrogation Mr. Bond"

    "No...no....no.....no more foreplay. Take me to Janus".... "Biatch!"

    "Don't ever do that again!" ....."This is not one of your games, Boris. Real people will die! You pathetic little worm!" .... "She was in the mainframe. Check the computer."..... "She's a moron. A second-level programmer. She works on the guidance system."

    "Hey, Bond. Do you do any gardening?"

    "Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko!"

    "I think I've died and gone to heaven"..... "Not yet"
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    edited October 2015 Posts: 15,423
    Cowley wrote: »
    The "I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis drown out the screams of the men you've killed" line was a hilariously naive way of trying to make the film seem profound.
    I agree that it was sort of misplaced in the scene, because it was derived from the original script where it made more sense when Trevelyan coldly spat it at Bond during a diplomatic meeting in Russia.

    I took the liberty of extracting the specified bits from the original draft.
    BJtBrw7.png
    QMNA14w.png
  • echoecho 007 in New York
    edited October 2015 Posts: 5,921
    Gerard wrote: »
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!

    This is the worst quote, because it is the last line and therefore resonates. It's one of the most embarrassing moments in the series. What were they thinking?

    Conversely, I think "I think he got the point" is one of the best one-liners. TB's dialogue is underrated; some of it is up there with Simon Raven's in OHMSS.
  • AntiLocqueBrakesAntiLocqueBrakes The edge
    Posts: 538
    "He had a lot of guts."
    "Just keep my mind on your driving."

    Lazenby was winging them.
  • I feel duty-bound to mention Octopussy’s tuk-tuk chase whose dialogue in its entirety runs: “We have company!” “It’s alright, it’s a company car!” then (descending steps) “This should shake em off!” then (Rog having been stabbed in his wad of rupees) “Thank God for hard currency!” then (Vijay Amritraj having defeated several assassins with a tennis racquet) “Game, set and match!”

    Game, set and match?!” There’s something tragic about the flatlining uninventiveness of that.

    But far worse than that or any stainless-steel delicatessens for me, are Purvis and Wade’s attempts at getting thematic. I do love Skyfall’s “...we’re accountable to the people we’re trying to protect. You can’t keep working in the shadows. There are no more shadows.” “You don’t get it....he comes from the same place as Bond, a place you say doesn’t exist. The shadows!” Wait, what? Mallory was talking about public accountability, M, and you’ve gone off on some weird sort of pun. They’re not the same shadows, they’re... Then, at the hearing, poor Dame Judi has to say, “Our world isn’t more transparent (who said it was?), it’s more opaque. It’s in the shadows” and give Mallory a little ‘told you so’ heads up at which point Mallory must be thinking - Eh? Christ, she really has lost it.

    Very P&W, all tangled up and tripping over its feet, like “Not sure I can survive your best shot.” “Doubt you’ll get the chance!” No, Moneypenny, that doesn’t work, he wasn’t saying your best shot is, like, having sex, he...look, you’re just doing it wrong. “In your defence a moving target is harder to hit.” “Then you’d better keep moving!” No, hold on, what’re you...are you...you’ve got that all backwards, Eve.

    But my all-time favourite line is by the Aston Martin in Scotland, Bond looking up at the sky: “Storm’s coming.” Oh, P&W! It’s wonderfully thematic and weighty and I’m sure the storm is very sorry about it - but it just isn’t coming, is it? Bloody weather.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,687
    Much of what you say is true IMO.
  • Posts: 1,009
    "Elephant, bargain, 100 baht" and all that follows. Sorry but I found that kid very annoying.
  • AntiLocqueBrakesAntiLocqueBrakes The edge
    Posts: 538
    I didn't mind the kid either. I did find Moore explain the science of Scaramanga's lair at bit annoying at the end though.

  • edited October 2015 Posts: 11,189
    bondjames wrote: »
    Cowley wrote: »
    For me it has to be ""That should keep you in curry for a few weeks "
    Anything Boris says in GE, particularly any reference to being 'spiked'
    Birdleson wrote: »
    Can I simply nominate GOLDENEYE's dialogue en masse?

    Glad I'm not alone. I know it's a favourite film for a lot of people but the dialogue is excruciating. Especially the jarring " For England James" we repeatedly endure from Bean right to the end. The "I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis drown out the screams of the men you've killed" line was a hilariously naive way of trying to make the film seem profound.

    I think GE was intentionally trying to be camp. There is no other explanation for some of the lines in that film. Having said that, I can't get enough of it personally.....such good fun..all delivered with such OTT charisma by all concerned (I remember them all like it was yesterday)

    "Lovely girl......tastes like.....like strawberries!" ..."I wouldn't know".... "I would!".... "mmmm"

    It's funny. I work in a supermarket and everytime I go past the big display of strawberries we currently have I keep thinking of that damn line. Same happens when I see "Rock Salt" on the shelf.

    One line I think is a bit jarring in GE is Bean's "ready to save the world again?" in the PTS. Fan fiction sounding nonsense.

    Also, Famke's line of "It's clean...I had to ventilate someone" is interesting in that Martin Campbell says in the commentary that it didn't get the intended laugh in an early screening.
  • edited October 2015 Posts: 11,189
    Birdleson wrote: »
    I liked that, "Bloody tourist!"

    What kid from Thailand would say that though :p

    I can't say it's the worst line but there are a couple of lines from LTK that instantly come to mind:

    "You know we have laws in this country too"
    "Do you have a law against what they did to Leiter??"

    Cheesy and contrived in line and delivery.

    Why yes we do have a law James. It's called attempted murder.
  • edited October 2015 Posts: 11,189
    It's obviously a case of taste but I simply don't find a lot of the humour in Golden Gun funny.

    Another one I've just thought of, this time TWINE:

    Valentine telling the great James Bond to "chill out" at the casino.

    A lot of people complain about Goldeneye's dialogue but I think TWINE's comes off as worse the more I watch it.

    "Do you want to put that in English for those of us who don't speak Spy?"
  • Posts: 11,189
    The whole Bond/Paris stuff has some pretty poor dialogue.

    I hate the line "when it comes to a choice between you and Elliot I've made my bed...you don't sleep in it anymore"

    Though that may be down to Hatcher's terrible delivery more than the line itself.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 13,879
    A couple of lines in TWINE that aren't 'bad' per say, but the delivery is off:

    "No, a duplicate (pin). With a transmitter inside that set off the barm."

    A lack of consistency in Elektra's tone, where she goes from yelling in Bond's ear with "It is MY oil... MINE!" to a softly-spoken and poetic "It runs in my veins, thicker than blood."
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    Somehow, even though I like the actress and the character a lot, Holly Goodhead's delivery of lines are the worst ones from a lead character I could imagine in the series.

    For example:

    "Where's Drax?" (she's said as if her jaw was melting.)

    or the way she 'pretends' to be frightened in her hotel room when Bond surprises her...

    or "Hang on, James." (she's saying it so calm as if her head is put on the pillow and she's peacefully sleeping.)

  • Posts: 11,189
    There's also her "Jaaaaammes" when she's reunited with Bond at Drax's base.

    and...

    "But the three (globes) that have gone they'll kill millions"

    She couldn't sound less bothered if she tried.
  • Posts: 11,189
    One of the worst has to be at the end of DAD:

    "Now...you said something about...going down together??"

    The line and delivery is awful...and Brosnan knows it.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    I thought of that one as I wrote my piece up there... The "Jaaaaaames" shout of welcoming. Oh man, it couldn't get faker than that.

    And then, there's that speech of killing millions. She must have been taking pills to tone down the intensity, who knows? :))
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