Worst Lines in All of Bond

edited October 2015 in Bond Movies Posts: 2,469
Nominate the worst lines in all of Bond in this space.

Now despite the fact that CR is a cracking good Bond, some of the dialogue between Bond and Vesper in the final third of the movie induces nausea. And the following line is the worst of the lot.

"If the only thing left of you was your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever known."

Bleurgh. When lines like that actually make it into the final print, you really have to wonder.

But enough about that line, what's the Bond line that makes you shake your head in queasy disbelief?
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Comments

  • DariusDarius UK
    edited October 2015 Posts: 354
    Nominate the worst lines in all of Bond in this space.

    "If the only thing left of you was your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever known."

    I tend to fast forward this whole dialogue, especially... "If you had just been born, wouldn't you be naked?"

    CR is, in my opinion, the jewel in the crown of the Bond movie oeuvre, but how this particular cringe-worthy sequence passed muster, I can't imagine.
  • "Why did you break off your appointment with my pet anaconda" (or something like that). That's the worst ever because it neatly summed up everything wrong with the series at that moment. A line delivered just to set up a lame one-liner from Moore.
  • DrShatterhandDrShatterhand Garden of Death, near Belfast
    Posts: 805
    Anything Boris says in GE, particularly any reference to being 'spiked'
  • Posts: 7,042
    The entire script of DAD. I won't bother with giving examples...
  • JohnHammond73JohnHammond73 Lancashire, UK
    Posts: 4,151
    "Yo Mamma!"

    "I think he got the thrust of it"
  • Posts: 4,779
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!
  • Mendes4LyfeMendes4Lyfe "I need a year off" Craig
    edited October 2015 Posts: 7,305
    'Keep leaning on that tooter, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth'
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,079
    'You keep leaning on that tooter, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth'
    Tiffany case

    Love that line.

    Mine would have to be "what do predators do when the sun goes down?" - "they feast" and "yo momma".
  • DariusDarius UK
    edited October 2015 Posts: 354
    Gerard wrote: »
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!

    Yes, I think everyone in the cinema was bracing themselves for that one. The problem was, we had to wait until the very end before it... er, came.

    Another one was: "I think he got the point." Straight out of Schoolboy Howlers volume one. It's the sort of thing you said when chastised by a schoolmaster for jabbing you neighbour in class with a pair of compasses.

  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    Posts: 9,021
    Every single word Q stutters at MI6 in Skyfall.
  • Mendes4LyfeMendes4Lyfe "I need a year off" Craig
    Posts: 7,305
    'what's that map doin there?'
  • ThomasCrown76ThomasCrown76 Augusta, ks
    Posts: 757
    Roger Moore's dialogue 1973-1985
  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    Posts: 9,021
    Elvis speaking Swiss German on the phone to his mother in QOS.
    The most embarrassing scene ever in a Bond movie for the Swiss.
    He's the worst thing anyway in the whole franchise.
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited October 2015 Posts: 5,079
    Roger Moore's dialogue 1973-1985

    Didn't see that one coming 8-|
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    edited October 2015 Posts: 23,883
    Gerard wrote: »
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!

    I was about to say.......

    Even "Barnd......James Barnd".....was sickening in this film.
    ----

    The other groaner was "I can't find the um... the stationary. Do you want to help me look?"

    I know there was a writer's strike, but geez!
  • Posts: 7,042
    Elvis speaking Swiss German on the phone to his mother in QOS.
    The most embarrassing scene ever in a Bond movie for the Swiss.
    He's the worst thing anyway in the whole franchise.


    Oh yeah? What did he say? :)
  • OnlyManWhoCanOnlyManWhoCan Greater London
    edited October 2015 Posts: 202
    "Last Rat Standing"

    Silva's few moments were probably spent trying to work out what the hell Bond was talking about.
  • edited October 2015 Posts: 2,469
    shamanimal wrote: »
    "Why did you break off your appointment with my pet anaconda" (or something like that). That's the worst ever because it neatly summed up everything wrong with the series at that moment. A line delivered just to set up a lame one-liner from Moore.

    Heh. To each his own, of course, but I always get a chuckle out of that one. IIRC, it was "You are not a sporting man, Mr. Bond. Why did you break off the engagement with my pet python?"

    Granted though, it was an obvious set-up for "I discovered he had a crush on me!"

  • MurdockMurdock Mr. 2000
    Posts: 16,057
    "Having trouble keeping it up Q?"
  • Gerard wrote: »
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!

    Yes. To use one of Elliott Carver's favorite words, pathetic.

  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 34,956
    Elvis speaking Swiss German on the phone to his mother in QOS.
    The most embarrassing scene ever in a Bond movie for the Swiss.
    He's the worst thing anyway in the whole franchise.

    Since you would know, I'm always curious: what is Elvis saying on the phone in that scene?
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    Posts: 30,996
    Can I simply nominate GOLDENEYE's dialogue en masse?
  • 'Keep leaning on that tooter, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth'

    Ha! I rather like that one. Fully in keeping with the brassy, sassy spirit of my guilty pleasure, DAF.

  • That's the thing though - it underlined the fact that the jokes were more important than the drama. The line was only there as a set up. More Morecombe & Wise than villain and secret agent.
  • 'what's that map doin there?'

    Hey! What's with that trick pool table?

    The whole Hoods' Convention was so poorly written--except for Auric's lines, which were stupendous--one couldn't help but laugh.

  • bondjames wrote: »
    Gerard wrote: »
    From TWINE : "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Grooooaaaaannnn!

    I was about to say.......

    Even "Barnd......James Barnd".....was sickening in this film.
    ----

    The other groaner was "I can't find the um... the stationary. Do you want to help me look?"

    I know there was a writer's strike, but geez!

    Yes. A totally bizarre line, and I don't mean that as a compliment. The line is so dam' oblique that it scarcely qualifies as a come-on.

  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 34,956
    'Keep leaning on that tooter, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth'

    Ha! I rather like that one. Fully in keeping with the brassy, sassy spirit of my guilty pleasure, DAF.

    Count me in, as well. That line goes along with Tiffany's demeanor so well.

    In terms of bad dialogue, it doesn't get much worse than "Yo momma."
  • Last_Rat_StandingLast_Rat_Standing South Florida
    Posts: 3,784
    Pretty much anything J.W Pepper utters out in TMWTGG
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 11,516
    That is not the soap!
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    Posts: 30,996
    Pretty much anything J.W Pepper utters out in TMWTGG

    Those are some of my favorites.
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