Explain a Bond Film Plot Badly

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  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    A man with a gun made of Gold lives on a remote island and has a superfluous papilla. The story is quite titillating.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    edited December 2017 Posts: 15,423
    A man with a gun made of Gold lives on a remote island and has a superfluous papilla. The story is quite titillating.
    "Nick Nack! Tabasco!"
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    edited October 2018 Posts: 31,021
    YOLT: Bond saves the world with a cigarette and two swell looking Japanese broads.
    OHMSS: Bond has relationship difficulties and skis.
  • GoldenGunGoldenGun Per ora e il momento che verrà
    Posts: 5,597
    TSWLM: a guy who doesn't like to shake hands collects nuclear submarines.
  • Posts: 7,064
    TSWLM: A guy who doesn't like to chake hands want all people to be contained in a tightly restricted area beneath the sea, where handshakes are inevitable.
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    GF: Pussy, galore.
  • DN: James Bond Travels to Jamaica to learn the street price of conch shells in Miami.

    FRWL: Why you should never let people tape you having sex without your knowledge.

    GF: A captive man with no more options must rape a lesbian to help save the world.

    TB: Have sex with her underwater "before" you tell her that her brother died.

    YOLT: Rogue man-eating spaceship threatens worldwide nuclear war.

    OHMSS: The one time James Bonds car "didn't" have bullet proof glass.

    DAF: Eccentric evil millionaire steals the identity of an eccentric American billionaire.

    LALD: A heroin dealer is "obsessed" with trick disappearing restaurant tables.

    TMWTGG: You can get into any party or private house if you have three nipples.

    TSWLM: A British secret agent "penetrates deep" behind enemy Russian lines.

    MR: A now "camp" film series about a spy tries to capitalize on the success of Star Wars.

    FYEO: Margret Thatcher has an extended telephone conversation with a parrot.

    OP: A high-stakes backgammon player is unaccustomed to the idea of loaded dice.

    AVTAK: An old man with too much eyeliner pretends to be an effective British agent.

    TLD: A shakespearean actor fails to master the art of playing the coolest man alive.

    LTK: MI6 snipers have no regard for a US national landmark in the Florida keys.

    GE: The compulsive pen-clicking of a computer hacker ends up saving London.

    TND: Bond murders Rupert Murdock, saving rural America from being brainwashed.

    TWINE: Checkoff's gun also applies to helicopters with hanging saw blades.

    DAD: Two men who recklessly endanger bystanders with a sword fight are not charged.

    CR: A man who looks like a Russian sailor plays a beloved British film hero well.

    QOS: A man watches a friend die in his arms and steals his wallet.

    SF: Sean Connery turns down what would have been the best film cameo of all time.

    SP: A man dumped by Kate Winslet is inexplicably allowed to direct another Bond film.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 16,351
    SPECTRE: Author of all my pain, bro? Back at ya.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 2,991
    OHMSS: The one time James Bonds car "didn't" have bullet proof glass.

    CR: A man who looks like a Russian sailor plays a beloved British film hero well.

    SP: A man dumped by Kate Winslet is inexplicably allowed to direct another Bond film.

    These are the best!
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 9,135

    DAF. Jimmy Dean.
    LTK. Wayne Newton.
    DAD. Madonna.
    CR. Richard Branson.
  • JamesBondKenyaJamesBondKenya Danny Boyle laughs to himself
    edited December 2017 Posts: 2,725
    SF: Bond attempts to save M but the she gets killed. Bond attempts to save an art collecter but then he gets killed. Bond attempts to save a Bond girl but then she gets killed.

    SP: A step brother vows to never let his brother live in peace.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Enemy of the state
    Posts: 41,590
    FYEO Max the parrot saves the day.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    FYEO Max the parrot saves the day.
    And they didn't even give him a kiss!
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    OHMSS: Not the other fellow.
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    edited October 2018 Posts: 31,021
    DAF: Bond's figure begins to go; it turns out to be Blofeld's fault, as usual.
    LALD: Bond vs Black People
  • edited December 2017 Posts: 2,189
    DN: A geology professor attempts to orchestrate a series of sloppy murders for a chinaman.

    FRWL: A chess player and an old sadist wench direct a kinky international revenge porno.

    GF: An elaborate deep-state hoax to convince people that there is still gold in Fort Knox.

    TB: A sinister international organization plots to make a mockery of Big Ben.

    YOLT: The head of MI6 and his staff spends months on board a submarine just to brief 1 agent.

    OHMSS: A Heraldry professor travels to a Swiss ski club to learn how Christmas Trees are grown.

    DAF: A cruise ship sinks when a homosexual with a bomb between his legs goes overboard.

    LALD: James Bond buys hundreds of Tarot card decks to make one loaded deck so he can get laid.

    TMWTGG: A dimwitted American is inexplicably on vacation in South East Asia in 1974.

    TSWLM: The only similarity between the book and the film is the title.

    MR: Elon Musk in the 1970's.

    FYEO: James Bond must put up with "Countess Von Fingerbang".

    OP: The guy Darth Vader force chokes on the Death Star now works for the US Air Force.

    AVTAK: Elon Musk in the 1980's?

    TLD: James Bond frees Osama Bin Laden from a Soviet prison.

    LTK: Cocaine and Gasoline.

    GE: A man gives a masochistic woman the best squeeze of her life.

    TND: I wish real spies would do this to Rupert Murdoch and Fox News.

    TWINE: The head of MI6 almost lets Istambul get destroyed because she cant tipp a clock over the right way.

    DAD: Kim Jong Un must have commissioned the state to create an alternate ending to this by now.

    CR: Where was Bond 5 years, 2 months, and 6 days before the release of this movie?

    QoS: Discount Spectre.

    SF: James Bond is bad at his job.

    SP: James Bond Writers are bad at their jobs.
  • DAF. Jimmy Dean.
    LTK. Wayne Newton.
    DAD. Madonna.
    CR. Richard Branson.

    QOS. Elvis
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe Still waiting for the Jena Malone Batwoman movie that's never going to be made.Moderator
    Posts: 11,958
    AVTAK - An old man fights a nazi freak atop a bridge.
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    edited October 2018 Posts: 31,021
    TMWTGG: Bond wears a fake nipple and battles a midget as well as a faux Al Capone (that blinks).
    TSWLM: Webbed hands are essentially useless when conquering the world.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    FRWL: Red wine and fish gives you away.
  • Posts: 7,642
    CR - cardgames and death

    QOS - arty farty vomit inducing bad actionscenes, baddie is a dick and 007 does not listen

    SF - M dies whether 007 shows up or not, he that is not Apocalypse now!

    SP - Sadly Blofeld is back 007 in form is not, blame his stepbrother
  • mattjoesmattjoes ...and actor Cesare Danova in the role of "Actor"
    Posts: 4,467
    GF - Industrialist tries to gold-obssessed detonate a Fort in dirty bomb Knox to value the stock of his own increase
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    CR: A British spy, an American agent and an Albanian SPECTRE banker enter a Casino in Montenegro...
  • Posts: 612
    TND: print media tries to stay relevant
    DAD: robocop makes the most expensive mirror, sends it in to space.
    CR: MI6 intern messes everything up.
    SF: guy who was too young in the last movie is somehow too old in this movie.

  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 2,991
    TWINE: An oil executive learns the consequences of choosing poorly when accessorizing one’s outfit.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 2,991
    SF: Bond experiences his #MeToo moment.
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  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    Posts: 31,021
    MR: Jaws talks and drinks champagne in space and doesn't die. With his girlfriend.
    FYEO: Bond is guided to victory by a magic parrot. There were sharks.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    TMWTGG: They don’t know what the main villain looks like, but they know he has a third nipple.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 2,991
    TMWTGG: They don’t know what the main villain looks like, but they know he has a third nipple.

    Sending Bond on a mission mistakenly tracking down Chandler Bing.
  • BirdlesonBirdleson San Jose, CAModerator
    Posts: 31,021
    OP: James Bond recognizes his own theme song.
    NSNA: No John Barry.
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