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James Bond News • James Bond Articles • James Bond Magazine
FRWL: Why you should never let people tape you having sex without your knowledge.
GF: A captive man with no more options must rape a lesbian to help save the world.
TB: Have sex with her underwater "before" you tell her that her brother died.
YOLT: Rogue man-eating spaceship threatens worldwide nuclear war.
OHMSS: The one time James Bonds car "didn't" have bullet proof glass.
DAF: Eccentric evil millionaire steals the identity of an eccentric American billionaire.
LALD: A heroin dealer is "obsessed" with trick disappearing restaurant tables.
TMWTGG: You can get into any party or private house if you have three nipples.
TSWLM: A British secret agent "penetrates deep" behind enemy Russian lines.
MR: A now "camp" film series about a spy tries to capitalize on the success of Star Wars.
FYEO: Margret Thatcher has an extended telephone conversation with a parrot.
OP: A high-stakes backgammon player is unaccustomed to the idea of loaded dice.
AVTAK: An old man with too much eyeliner pretends to be an effective British agent.
TLD: A shakespearean actor fails to master the art of playing the coolest man alive.
LTK: MI6 snipers have no regard for a US national landmark in the Florida keys.
GE: The compulsive pen-clicking of a computer hacker ends up saving London.
TND: Bond murders Rupert Murdock, saving rural America from being brainwashed.
TWINE: Checkoff's gun also applies to helicopters with hanging saw blades.
DAD: Two men who recklessly endanger bystanders with a sword fight are not charged.
CR: A man who looks like a Russian sailor plays a beloved British film hero well.
QOS: A man watches a friend die in his arms and steals his wallet.
SF: Sean Connery turns down what would have been the best film cameo of all time.
SP: A man dumped by Kate Winslet is inexplicably allowed to direct another Bond film.
These are the best!
DAF. Jimmy Dean.
LTK. Wayne Newton.
CR. Richard Branson.
SP: A step brother vows to never let his brother live in peace.
FRWL: A chess player and an old sadist wench direct a kinky international revenge porno.
GF: An elaborate deep-state hoax to convince people that there is still gold in Fort Knox.
TB: A sinister international organization plots to make a mockery of Big Ben.
YOLT: The head of MI6 and his staff spends months on board a submarine just to brief 1 agent.
OHMSS: A Heraldry professor travels to a Swiss ski club to learn how Christmas Trees are grown.
DAF: A cruise ship sinks when a homosexual with a bomb between his legs goes overboard.
LALD: James Bond buys hundreds of Tarot card decks to make one loaded deck so he can get laid.
TMWTGG: A dimwitted American is inexplicably on vacation in South East Asia in 1974.
TSWLM: The only similarity between the book and the film is the title.
MR: Elon Musk in the 1970's.
FYEO: James Bond must put up with "Countess Von Fingerbang".
OP: The guy Darth Vader force chokes on the Death Star now works for the US Air Force.
AVTAK: Elon Musk in the 1980's?
TLD: James Bond frees Osama Bin Laden from a Soviet prison.
LTK: Cocaine and Gasoline.
GE: A man gives a masochistic woman the best squeeze of her life.
TND: I wish real spies would do this to Rupert Murdoch and Fox News.
TWINE: The head of MI6 almost lets Istambul get destroyed because she cant tipp a clock over the right way.
DAD: Kim Jong Un must have commissioned the state to create an alternate ending to this by now.
CR: Where was Bond 5 years, 2 months, and 6 days before the release of this movie?
QoS: Discount Spectre.
SF: James Bond is bad at his job.
SP: James Bond Writers are bad at their jobs.
QOS - arty farty vomit inducing bad actionscenes, baddie is a dick and 007 does not listen
SF - M dies whether 007 shows up or not, he that is not Apocalypse now!
SP - Sadly Blofeld is back 007 in form is not, blame his stepbrother
DAD: robocop makes the most expensive mirror, sends it in to space.
CR: MI6 intern messes everything up.
SF: guy who was too young in the last movie is somehow too old in this movie.
Sending Bond on a mission mistakenly tracking down Chandler Bing.
QOS: Two Teachers on holiday lose their stationery