The Bond Movies & Actors I Can't Stand (Negativity Only Please)

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  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,691
    21st Century Bonds just aren't as good.
  • ThomasCrown76ThomasCrown76 Augusta, ks
    Posts: 757
    1970s bond movies suck more than Tanya Roberts does in any of her pornos
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,459
    I didn't make a list, but the godawful Bondola is high on it if I get it written down, oh yes. Utter garbage that. Hard to that believe when they filmed it people (crew? director? winos during their lunch hour? who?) were chuckling in delight. Ugh!
  • Posts: 613
    I just hate how impossible it is to hit 007 with a bullet its not fair
  • Posts: 11,425
    bondjames wrote: »
    mcdonbb wrote: »
    bondjames wrote: »
    Ok, here is my list, in no particular order. Since thi a hater's thread I shan't be available for debate or discussion. My mind is quite made up.

    Talisa Soto - Lupe airhead
    Lynn Holly Johnson - Bibbi airhead
    Gloria Hendry - Rosie airhead
    Teri Hatcher - Paris Carver
    Halle Berry - Miss 'Oscar' Jinx
    Denise Richards- Christmas 'Physicist' Jones
    Pierce Brosnan's acting performance in TWINE
    Sean Connery's obvious nonchalance towards the role that made him in DAF
    Roger Moore's inability to hide his age with makeup any more in AVTAK
    Timothy Dalton's hair in LTK (get a comb for god's sake)
    Daniel Craig's hair in SF (why not shave it bald)
    Jaws turning good in MR
    Anatole Taubman - Elvis
    Lawrence Makoare - Mr. Kil
    Goldie - Bullion (where did they find this clown)
    Robert Carlyle - Renard (boring....boring)
    Samantha Bond - feminista MP
    The idiot who did the fight and action scene edits in QoS
    Michael Apted
    Lee Tamahori
    Judi Dench - M (a national treasure I know - but disliked her from the first scene in GE)

    Excellent list... Expected or I should say wanted more from Apted.

    Renard also deserved better writing..

    And um what about Stacy Sutton??

    Oh oh and what's up with Drax's fake piano playing???!!!! Toss up in that film among Jaw's redemption, the gondola, and off mention pigeon double take as to what I hate more.

    (Still watch and remember fondly watching with my dad so umm I can't hate it. Loved it then at age 11 lol.)

    Thanks.

    You're absolutely right, Tanya's Stacy from AVTAK & Toby Stephens Graves from DAD should get an honourable mention on my list.

    I saw MR recently on Blu - I actually love the fake piano bit because it really plays into Drax's egotistical character.....totally agreed about the Gondola/pigeon though. I just can't stand watching that whole sequence even though MR overall is a guilty pleasure.

    Naomi's MP also came to mind based purely on SF, but I'll reserve further judgement until SP. She may redeem herself in my eyes yet.

    Stacy Sutton was truly awful. How EON allow her to happen?
  • Posts: 11,189
    I can't hate old Toby. He's just too hilarious.

    Halle Berry on the other hand. Bloody hell.
  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    Posts: 4,399
    Murdock wrote: »
    I can't stand The Man With The Golden Gun. It's everything a Bond film shouldn't be. It's a disgrace to Fleming. It had great potential but squandered it on stupid humor. Bond wearing a third nipple, JW Pepper's silly return and the biggest problem of all. Mary Goodnight. She kills the movie with her stupidity. Anya and Jinx are Shakespearean grade compared to her. I think this movie created the "Stupid Blond" Stereotype. This movie is shameful. Moore and Lee can't even save it. I compare this film to CR-67. No wonder half the cast was so angry you could see it in the performances. Moore is pissed at goodnight when they meet and Bernard Lee is pissed at everyone. Even Lois Maxwell was irritated.

    Die Another Day might be mediocre but it's way better than TMWTGG.

    if TMWTGG is a disgrace to Fleming... then DAD was the equivalent of taking all of Fleming's original manuscripts of the original novels to Fleming's grave, digging up his body, dumping all the manuscripts into his open casket, burning them, and then defecating on all the ashes and Fleming himself.... that film is an abomination.
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    Posts: 23,883
    HASEROT wrote: »
    Murdock wrote: »
    I can't stand The Man With The Golden Gun. It's everything a Bond film shouldn't be. It's a disgrace to Fleming. It had great potential but squandered it on stupid humor. Bond wearing a third nipple, JW Pepper's silly return and the biggest problem of all. Mary Goodnight. She kills the movie with her stupidity. Anya and Jinx are Shakespearean grade compared to her. I think this movie created the "Stupid Blond" Stereotype. This movie is shameful. Moore and Lee can't even save it. I compare this film to CR-67. No wonder half the cast was so angry you could see it in the performances. Moore is pissed at goodnight when they meet and Bernard Lee is pissed at everyone. Even Lois Maxwell was irritated.

    Die Another Day might be mediocre but it's way better than TMWTGG.

    if TMWTGG is a disgrace to Fleming... then DAD was the equivalent of taking all of Fleming's original manuscripts of the original novels to Fleming's grave, digging up his body, dumping all the manuscripts into his open casket, burning them, and then defecating on all the ashes and Fleming himself.... that film is an abomination.

    Seconded. TMWTGG trumps DAD any day of the week and twice on Sunday. DAD is a farce masquerading as a Bond film IMO.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,691
    The score for DN is almost as gut-wrenchingly bad as the one in FYEO.
  • mcdonbbmcdonbb deep in the Heart of Texas
    Posts: 4,116
    So much hate lol ..but very cathartic :P

    I really don't hate DAD or TMWGG that much. Like someone said first half of DAD is actually pretty good.

    BUT yeah the ice parachute ski stunt is just too hooky.

    I think what infuriates me the most about my beloved Bond is we have some great PTS's but we usually are not blessed with the best most satisfying endings.

  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    Posts: 23,883
    mcdonbb wrote: »
    I think what infuriates me the most about my beloved Bond is we have some great PTS's but we usually are not blessed with the best most satisfying endings.

    Excellent point. The endings have been big disappointments of late for me too. GE was the last one I really liked.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,691
    The real endings:
    DN- Felix had to drive back & attach another line to Bond's Boat; asked him why he's so immature.
    FRWL- Bond & Tatianna got stopped by police & cited for throwing trash in the water.
    GF- It was fun under the chute, but the 20 mile hike back to civilization had Pussy cursing out Bond like a dock worker.
    TB- Everyone was saddened by the discovery of Domino's broken neck.
    TMWTGG- While Bond & Goodnight were getting busy, Nic Nack fell to his death through the cabin ceiling.
    TSWLM- Triple X, in a fit of embarrassment, shot Bond anyway.
    MR- The attempt failed because Bond never trained in zero-G.
    FYEO- The PM sent Bond a covert love letter later saying she really would like to give him a kiss.
    AVTAK- The robot went into the shower & electrocuted them.
    TLD- A random bodyguard drew his weapon and demanded the Muhajideen disarm & the ensuing firefight killed most of the people in the room.
    GE- A sexually frustrated Bond decided Wade was a dick.
    TLD- Bond & Lin suffered second degree sun burns the next day waiting to be found.
    CR- In grief, Bond drank himself to death.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    Posts: 9,117
    5 just off the top of my head and in no particular order of vitriol (well actually what am I talking about, Jinx is by far the worst as the rest are fleeting moments and don't infect most of the film like she does):

    1. I absolutely loathe the end titles song of GE. It's the musical equivalent of your flight being delayed by 4 hours. It's like a Dyson (the vaccum cleaner, not Bond reviewer) sucking out your soul and will to live. Christ knows AWTD is bad but at least you can stay awake for its duration. I'm afraid I will never know who the foley artist on GE is because I've long since ejected the disc before it gets down to him.
    Talk about phoning your work in; Serra's score was bad enough already but with this he was sending it in by carrier pigeon. Bond had been AWOL for 6 years so we should be signing off with some triumphant bombast a la CR but all we get is the musical equivalent of bring slapped in the face with a damp cloth that has been used to clean behind the toilet. EON had the balls to bin his tank chase sequence so why not do the same here and just play the Bond theme turned up to 11?

    2. The CGI parasurfing is not just bad in the context of a DAD it is probably the most embarrassing FX sequence committed to film since Superman IV except that film had its biggest slash like one of Jack the Ripper's victims. What's DAD's excuse for saying 'yeah 10 years after T2 we are happy with these effects that look like they were done 10 years before DN.' The original King Kong is more convincing.

    3. The invisible car. A concept so retarded that whoever first mooted it should have been sacked on the spot. But apparently the consenus around the table at that script meeting was 'yeah let's go with it'. Just because EON rectified their mistakes with CR shouldn't let people forget. We are still overdue a Nuremburg style trial for crimes against Fleming committed by DAD and I don't think we should rule out the death penalty in some cases.

    4. Jinx. Do I really need to say any more? Well I will anyway. Every second she is on the screen my eyeballs feel like they are starring in Un Chien Andalou. Apart from a gratuitous close up of her tits in a bikini (which is apparently an homage of some sort directed by a pubescent teenager) there is nothing to recommend this character as like a cancerous growth her screen time gets bigger and bigger eventually impairing the film to such an extent that it dies screaming and vomiting blood.
    By the final reel where they enter the US base it is not a Bond film any more but a double act with her getting as much screen time as Bond. But the truly insulting thing, the real moment where Babs and MGW pull down their pants and cover Fleming's and Cubby's coffins in warm piss is the notion that it would be a good idea to have a spin off series featuring this abortion of a character. If someone in a mental asylum scrawled 'Lets make a Jinx spinoff film' in their own shit on the walls of their room they would be justifiably sent for electro shock therapy to the head or simply lobotomised but when Babs and MGW come up with it the studio indulges them up to the point where a script is actually written! I could almost forgive EON Jinx appearing in DAD because maybe before Berry and Tamahori mangled it the character looked ok on paper and even if they felt it was shit once you start the juggernaut of such a big film rolling its impossible to stop it.
    But the spinoff decision was taken in the cold light of day. They have actually sat down and looked at DAD and thought 'you know what would really work? Get rid of that Bond arsehole and lets just have more Jinx'. F**k me even Lucas realised Jar Jar Binks was such a disgrace he virtually left him out of the other films but not these two and no amount of CRs or SFs can gloss over that. Simply disgraceful.

    5. The Kung fu schoolgirls. Is this supposed to be funny? Is this all you had to do and the most creatively moribund era of Bond - just write in to EON and say I'm a teenage girl and I fancy being in the new film and they said 'ok'. Was the slide whistle over the car jump sent in by a 5 year old? What about JW being pushed in the canal? The more I think about it the more I think TMWTGG was the result of some competition on the back of a cereal packet wher kids were told to send in their ideas and the 5 most embarrassing would make the final film.
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    Posts: 15,690
    Do EON have their own personal screening of a completed film before the world premiere? If so, I wonder if they have audio/video tapes of that. Imagine watching Babs, MGW, Brosnan, Tamahori, Purvis and Wade watching DAD for the first time. I'd pay to see that. They must have been bouncing off the walls for 2 hours.
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,459
    I'd pay to see it, too. I just had a thought. Perhaps, @DaltonCraig007, during and after said screening of DAD for the first time for those powers that be, they were all on heavy prescription drugs. That is the only thing I can think of to explain their approval of this embarrassment of a Bond film (one that clearly started out okay and then went quickly off the rails into looney land). Including the vomit inducing idea of a Jinx spinoff that @TheWizardofIce so memorably just reminded us of. Prescription drugs - I'm telling ya; that must be the reason. Or group hallucinations somehow ... oh that sneaky bastard Blofeld! Could he have been behind these dastardly doings?
  • "I will teach you to love CGI tidal waves. And when you have completed your task, you will forget it...forever...forever...forever...also, give Jinx her own spinoff."
  • Posts: 1,146
    There certainly is a pattern with the Broz films where the story starts out well and the last three simply fizzle out.
  • BennyBenny In the shadowsAdministrator, Moderator
    Posts: 14,882
    A character that I loathe with a passion is Dr.Kaufman. I really liked the late Vincent Schiavelli. He was a great character actor. But Kaufman was just totally wrong for a Bond film. In a scene that should've been played straight and dangerous, we get a silly character with bad lines. It's a terrible scene imo. Used to enjoy TND, but as with many Brosnan films it falls apart all too easily.
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    edited January 2015 Posts: 12,459
    Really? I love Dr. K. And TND. But enough positives.

    Just for you, though, @Benny, I'm going to rag on what I intensely dislike about Octopussy.

    The Tarzan yell
    Bond telling the tiger to "Sit!"
    The "tennis match" scene
    Motorized rickshaws
    The curry quip
    The whole elephant hunt stuff
    The insipid, uninspiring, almost sleep inducing title song
    Fake crocodile sub
    Vijay's death
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    edited January 2015 Posts: 17,691
    Benny wrote: »
    Used to enjoy TND, but as with many Brosnan films it falls apart all too easily.
    Flagged for simplistic Brozz movie hate. On this thread you are required to shoot to KILL.
  • Posts: 1,146
    Benny wrote: »
    A character that I loathe with a passion is Dr.Kaufman. I really liked the late Vincent Schiavelli. He was a great character actor. But Kaufman was just totally wrong for a Bond film. In a scene that should've been played straight and dangerous, we get a silly character with bad lines. It's a terrible scene imo. Used to enjoy TND, but as with many Brosnan films it falls apart all too easily.

    I completely agree with all of these points. Kaufman was a cool character, why was this career character actor chosen for that role?????
    and TND just falls apart right after the HALO jump. Right off the table.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,691
    TND just falls apart right after the HALO jump. Right off the table.
    TND falls apart right after the plane ejection seat gag. It's a mess. It has no story, a stupid villain, a derivative henchman, a bad score, a terrible Moneypenny, a crappy M, a nasty little Danish, a bad title song, worse credits, a weak Bond girl, bad colour, sad locations, lacking fight scenes, bad production, terrible conclusion, and it smelled like haggis.
  • chrisisall wrote: »
    TND just falls apart right after the HALO jump. Right off the table.
    TND falls apart right after the plane ejection seat gag. It's a mess. It has no story, a stupid villain, a derivative henchman, a bad score, a terrible Moneypenny, a crappy M, a nasty little Danish, a bad title song, worse credits, a weak Bond girl, bad colour, sad locations, lacking fight scenes, bad production, terrible conclusion, and it smelled like haggis.

    Hey, that Danish tasted okay to Bond.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,691
    Hey, that Danish tasted okay to Bond.
    If you wish to remain a respected member of this site you *need* to understand that Brosnan movies have no merit of any kind.
    That Danish was spoiled.
  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    Posts: 4,399
    that Danish was better than Terri Hatchling ;)
    Benny wrote: »
    A character that I loathe with a passion is Dr.Kaufman. I really liked the late Vincent Schiavelli. He was a great character actor. But Kaufman was just totally wrong for a Bond film. In a scene that should've been played straight and dangerous, we get a silly character with bad lines. It's a terrible scene imo. Used to enjoy TND, but as with many Brosnan films it falls apart all too easily.

    now that you mention it, i agree with you on this one.... i like the way the scene played out in the end, and it was one of Brozz's best moments in the role (as fleeting as they were).. but IMO, the scene and character of DK were ruined with the "Did you call the auto club???" line.. the minute Stamper calls, the tension in the scene goes right out the window..
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,331
    chrisisall wrote: »
    TND just falls apart right after the HALO jump. Right off the table.
    TND falls apart right after the plane ejection seat gag. It's a mess. It has no story, a stupid villain, a derivative henchman, a bad score, a terrible Moneypenny, a crappy M, a nasty little Danish, a bad title song, worse credits, a weak Bond girl, bad colour, sad locations, lacking fight scenes, bad production, terrible conclusion, and it smelled like haggis.

    Be Serious @chrisisall...all this Brosnan bashing is bad for my health... :((
  • Posts: 1,146
    The intro between Bond and Carver is really cool. I've been thinking about this and the whole way Wai Lin (is that her name) is presented is just awful in the newspaper building, walking down the stairs in that silly way, and her story with Bond really kinda seems forced and not very good at all.
  • Posts: 5,815
    The last appearance of Moneypenny in DAD. Words fail me.....
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,459
    Notice I can't make myself bash Brosnan, @Murdock. Just can't do it.
    parts of his films - yes.

    And another thing I can't stand is: over the top, mega corny double takes ... by pigeons, winos, or anybody.
  • DrShatterhandDrShatterhand Garden of Death, near Belfast
    Posts: 805
    Really? I love Dr. K. And TND. But enough positives.

    Just for you, though, @Benny, I'm going to rag on what I intensely dislike about Octopussy.

    The Tarzan yell
    Bond telling the tiger to "Sit!"
    The "tennis match" scene
    Motorized rickshaws
    The curry quip
    The whole elephant hunt stuff
    The insipid, uninspiring, almost sleep inducing title song
    Fake crocodile sub
    Vijay's death

    To this list of OP hate (ooh I like this), can I add EVERYTHING that happens in India. Not only does it feature every snake-charming sword-swollowing bed-of-nails tiger-hunting cliche known to man, the only reason we go there is for Kamal Khan, who turns out to be completely bloody irrelevant.
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