Things We've Learned from…..Spectre

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  • ThomasCrown76ThomasCrown76 Augusta, ks
    Posts: 757
    175. No cross dressers were harmed during the course of this movie
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 7,030
    176) A director, up to that moment knon for his gritty, realistic films can just completely lose his mind and make a parody of a Bond film that makes Austin Powers look like the grittiest thriller in the world.
    1-77) The Asotn Martin Vanish doesn't like it's own manual. (177 had to be an Aston Martin one)
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 1,778
    178) Gustav Graves will organize a giant party for the rich and the world's press for the sole purpose of showing them the very weapon he intends to use the following day. Because conquering the world with anonymity is highly overrated.

    179) Bond's drenched tactleneck will be completely dry within a matter of seconds.
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    180. The laser watch is so useful a gadget, it's apparently built in to all Q Branch watches. The exploding pen, however, will be quickly forgotten.
    181. Gustav Graves' planes are stocked with only two parachutes, because apparently that's all he needs.
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    Posts: 23,883
    182. Samantha Bond's MP, after making our lives miserable for all those years as a pseudo feminista, really wanted Bond so much that she would rather vigorously hump thin air than get a real boyfriend.

    183. Madonna's directive with the title song was to torture the audience to the extent that they could literally feel Bond's pain at the hands of the North Koreans, which was unfolding on the screen at the same time.

    184. there was more pouting and grunting between Graves & Bond in the fencing scene than between Bond & Jinx in their bed scene
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 7,332
    185. Jinx is is 'so good' 'especially when she's bad'-
    186. I have no idea what that means...
    187. Purvis and Wade must have visited the same gene therapy clinic as Moon and Zao did before writing the next film.
  • Posts: 8,927
    188. After seeing the final version no one changed their name to Alan Smithee in the credits
    189. Bond has gone through 20 watches
    190. Bond like to put diamonds in Jinx's belly button
    191. Jinx likes it for some reason
    192. Bond is able to convince the owner of a temple to allow bond and Jinx to stay there
    193. A farmer now owns a perfectly good jaguar
    194. When taking over the world it's good to have your car collection close to you
    195. It's also good to have a random helicopter
    196. Gustav Graves is so obviously a villain no one should be surpised
    197. Miranda frost was nearly the hero and named Gala Brand
    198. Frost was on her graves assignment for a few months and didn't find anything dirty and mi6 especially after 006 being a villain don't bat an eye and let her continue to work her assignment and let her know 007 will be there
    199. Bond is a 00 and a bit of a wild one even though it was her boss who went overboard with the sword fight
    And
    200. Frost will apparently be seeing a lot more of Bond in Iceland.
  • Posts: 159
    201. The 40th anniversary was perished in flames
  • ThomasCrown76ThomasCrown76 Augusta, ks
    Posts: 757
    202. 4th bonds are tough on the knees. Ask brosnan and Craig
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 7,332
    203. No government or global political organisation seemed to mind that a monstrous diamond satellite with a force sufficient to wipe out the planet had been developed in the earths atmosphere, and was to be under complete control by one rich indiviual only.
  • 204 BB and MGW needed to spend longer interviewing directors
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 1,778
    205) This movie was a worse 40th birthday present than kidney stones.

    Honestly I was always pretty sure DAD would have the most points when this thread was started but not even I was sure we'd pass 200. As it stands this movie has a higher score than any 2 of the previous films combined. I think it's safe to say DAD will end up with the highest record as none of the upcoming 3 films came even close to matching its level of absurdity. We'll be moving on to the Craig Era either tonight or tomorrow but before we do let's have a round of applause for the one and only.....Die Another Day =D>
  • Posts: 8,927
    Looking forward to Casino Royale as I got three for my favorite bond film

    I am nervous about Quantum of solace round but hopefully it won't beat out Die Another Day lol
  • Posts: 1,778
    Risico007 wrote: »
    Looking forward to Casino Royale as I got three for my favorite bond film

    I am nervous about Quantum of solace round but hopefully it won't beat out Die Another Day lol

    There's no way. While I'll admit QOS has a few big problems, DAD has many big problems and many smaller things to make fun of aswell. QOS takes itself too seriously to get over 200 jabs taken at it. If you look back at the scoreboard I posted after AVTAK you'll notice it's more OTT Bond films that get the highest scores.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Snake on a plane of being
    Posts: 42,448
    206 There sure was a lot to learn from this film. If nothing else.
  • M_BaljeM_Balje Amsterdam, Netherlands
    edited April 2015 Posts: 3,848
    207. If the audince don't like a girl named Jinx then you name a men Hinx.
    208. That you (make a mistake) taking a actor who played earlier in controversial movie from a controversial directer and you don't give a damm to do it again.
    209. That is not realy be need to be named Brosnan but also if your name is Daniel you can Craig a knee.
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 7,030
    210) when your henchman is kalled 'Mr. Kill'you might have guessed he wouldn't live up to be the brightest of the bunch, but as soon as he prefers using lasers to kill someone who's actually a threat instead of a bullit at point blank range you sure know it's going to end tits up.

    211) this film needs mercy and we need to go on ;-)
  • Posts: 1,778
    210) when your henchman is kalled 'Mr. Kill'you might have guessed he wouldn't live up to be the brightest of the bunch, but as soon as he prefers using lasers to kill someone who's actually a threat instead of a bullit at point blank range you sure know it's going to end tits up.

    211) this film needs mercy and we need to go on ;-)

    And with that we'll be moving on. Once I get home from work I'll post the list for the next film. And for all you DAD fans (if any actually exist) your suffering is over.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Snake on a plane of being
    Posts: 42,448
    205) This movie was a worse 40th birthday present than kidney stones.

    It was like a really embarrassing birthday clown.
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 1,778
    Time to leave the dark days behind us and move on to the most recent and more critically acclaimed period. The Daniel Craig Era.
    I've said before that CR is my personal favorite Bond film but no Bond movie is above scrutiny. If anything sometimes it's easier to make fun of your favorite movies.
    Everyone has past. Every legend has a beginning. Now, discover how James…became Bond in,
    Things We've Learned from…..Casino Royale

    1) James Bond is back!

    2) Bond will wait in the shadows for dramatic effect.

    3) Bond will be a jerk and empty Dryden's gun but leave the gun in it's place in order to give Dryden a false sense of hope.

    4) The only prerequisite for joining the most elite group of government agents in England is murdering an old looking bureaucrat and his nameless contact.

    5) The emotional difference between your first kill and your second is considerable.

    6) Chris Cornell's "You Know My Name" almost made up for the previous three dreadful Bond tracks.

    7) James Bond + Free Running = One helluva awesome chase scene.

    8) Bond makes his own exits.

    9) The laws of diplomatic relations mean absolutely nothing to Bond.

    10) When cornered Bond doesn't cut his loses, he shoots them.

    11) Back in the Cold War defections came as easily as an agent embarrassing themselves.

    12) Bond figured the best way to smooth things over with his already furious boss was the break into her apartment and hack into her private computer.

    13) There's something about Bond driving a Ford rental that just seems so wrong.

    14) Don't confuse Bond with a parking valet.

    15) Daniel Craig's physique effectively made every previous Bond look like a wimp.

    16) The sanctity of marriage means absolutely nothing to Bond.

    17) Bond will sport a leather jacket in an excruciatingly hot and humid Miami night in June just to look cool.

    18) Beefcake Bond will can be overpowered by Michael Richards' stunt double.

    19) M will send her most reckless rookie 00 agent who failed his one and only official assignment on a needlessly complicated mission involving beating a mathematical genius at a card game that will hopefully create a domino effect leading to said genius giving himself up to MI6 rather than simply arresting or kidnaping him thusly avoiding the risk of losing millions of dollars to a terrorist organization and the possibility of her loose cannon agent with his shoot first policy cocking things up again.

    20) Like a true sociopath, Bond will nonchalantly blankly stare at the dead body of a woman who's death he is partially responsible for and think nothing of it. Sean Connery would be proud.

    21) The cuts on Bond's face will completely heal in the time it takes him to get to a train station.

    22) Avoiding a joke about one's parents makes them an orphan.

    23) Assuming that someone is a orphan also makes one an orphan.

    24) Deep cover aliases mean absolutely nothing to Bond.

    25) Mathis is the coolest Bond ally since Kerim Bay, if not ever.

    26) Vesper can deduce Bond's exact measurements simply by looking at him…

    27) …and somehow have a tailored dinner jacket made for Bond and sent to the hotel in a matter of hours.

    28) Bond will recklessly mix vodka and gin (a huge no no) in his cocktail while gambling with millions of dollars in taxpayer money on only his second mission as a 00. The first of which he failed.

    29) Mathis will for some reason feel compelled to give play-by-play commentary on Bond's poker game.

    30) Bond will send himself his gun in that mail to avoid metal detectors but assume they won't run his package thru one.

    31) Downing a full glass of whiskey will effectively heal Bond's wounds in a matter of seconds.

    32) Nothing comforts a traumatized women who has just assisted in a murder like sucking her fingers in a shower.

    33) After temporally dying after consuming a poisoned martini and having to be shocked back to life with a defibrillator, Bond will simply brush himself off and get back to his gambling.

    34) While being chased in a car by a secret agent the best way to stop said spy is by using your trusty double agent who's survival is crucial to your plan as a human road block.

    35) Le Chiffre concluded that the best way to extract information from Bond was by threatening to take away any chance Bond would ever have of having sex again thus making Le Chiffre the single smartest Bond villain in the history of the series.

    36) Atleast now we know how Bond never manages to impregnate any women.

    37) Bond will miraculously retain all of his muscle mass despite the fact that he was bed-ridden in a hospital and probably wasn't pumping iron.

    38) Men with ocular handicaps don't mesh well with Bond.

    39) The best way to get to the villains inside a building is by sinking and destroying said building.

    40) Daniel Craig stepping into frame wearing a replica of Sean Connery's 3 piece Goldfinger suit and uttering "The Name's Bond…James Bond" before the Bond theme blares is a cinematic high that may never be replicated for me.
    God Bless you Daniel ^:)^
  • Posts: 1,778
    205) This movie was a worse 40th birthday present than kidney stones.

    It was like a really embarrassing birthday clown.


    =))
    That's a great analogy too. Like a Bozo the Clown showing up drunk.
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 7,030
    41) All government-owned Aston Martins come with a gun, a defibrilator and an anti-toxin. Just in case your martini is spoilt.
    42) Bond only seduces married women. It keeps things simple.
    43) When you're a married woman in for a bit of fun with a handsome spy, you better not tell him what your husband is up to. You'll end up emptying the bottle of champagne alone.
    44)Vesper knows what to do with little fingers.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Snake on a plane of being
    Posts: 42,448
    45 Bond eats with his mouth open.
  • Posts: 11,175
    45 Bond eats with his mouth open.

    Those damn working-class people. Pity Terence Young couldn't work his magic on Craig too ;-)
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Snake on a plane of being
    Posts: 42,448
    Remember, he was a work in progress. A little lad at 38.
  • edited April 2015 Posts: 7,332
    46. Touching your ear is a sure sign you are a secret agent working on a spy mission.
    47. When surveilling a bomb maker suspected to be working with terrorist acts and who is a key witness possibly working for a large crime organization, M sends a fresh 00 on his first mission with an assistant who is obviously even less experienced than him.
    48. Dmitrios makes sure to send a crucial text message in the view of a surveillance camera as a favour to writers Purvis and Wade in order to make the plot come together.
    49. 'Betting the wrong way' on an aircraft not exploding, makes you lose hundreds of millions of dollars over night...
    50. ...I am not sure exactly how that works, but then I'm obviously not an expert in economy...
    51. Its reasonable to assume that Le Chiffre, in the middle a desperate mission to save his life through a game of gambling, will be affected and startled by James Bond having a hot girlfriend and ordering fancy drinks.
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    Posts: 15,534
    52. When Mendel walked away from Bond and Vesper in Italy after transfering the money, he just walked the whole way back to Switzerland.
  • 53. Czech Airlines fly direct from Prague to Miami!
  • Posts: 11,175
    54. Vesper is the first woman to slip the armour off White Knight 007.
  • suavejmfsuavejmf Harrogate, North Yorkshire, England
    Posts: 5,131
    Daniel Craig was the best 007 since Connery and following Fleming can be very commercially succesful in modern times (after LTK disappointed at the box office)!
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