The most ineffective henchman in a Bond film!

edited January 2013 in Bond Movies Posts: 1,098
I vote for 'Elvis' in QOS.

Reasons:-

1) Had a very minor underwritten role
2) Stupid haircut
3) Got the better of himself taken by a girl tripping him up on the stairs

and finally had his trousers blown off during the fireball at the hotel!

Put it this way of all villians people talk about in Bond movies, can anyone here really tell me that they even at least remember Elvis..........as the same way people do of Oddjob, Jaws, Red Grant etc.....................No of course not!
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Comments

  • Posts: 13,314
    That guy in TB who got fed to the sharks. Sometimes ineffective villains are interesting, if only to see them die. But yes, Elvis was pretty useless, but maybe that was the point of the character, being a feeble, ugly lackey of Greene?
  • edited January 2013 Posts: 11,175
    Elvis (didn't do anything other than get tripped up by Gemma Arterton)
    Mr Kil (failed to kill Jinx when given the chance, had a stupid name and was only in a couple of scenes).
    Scarpine (did little in the actual film and ended up getting knocked out by Stacey Sutton of all people)
    Dr Mortimer (dropped the stick of dynamite at the crucial moment - something out of a Road Runner cartoon)
  • doubleoegodoubleoego #LightWork
    edited January 2013 Posts: 11,090
    Definitely Elvis. He wasn't even interesting in anyway shape or form. Vargas did jack crap but he has one of the most iconic deaths in the series.
  • edited January 2013 Posts: 135
    Does anyone think Elvis was the one who drowned Fields?

    Anyways, I'd probably give the most incompetent henchman award to Strangways. He's essentially singlehandedly responsible for enabling OO7 to take down Dr. No.

    Edit: or Helga Brandt for the "most energy, yet least forethought, put into an assassination attempt on OO7" award
  • doubleoegodoubleoego #LightWork
    Posts: 11,090
    Strangways was a section chief not a henchman.
  • Posts: 1,548
    Elvis. He did nothing in the film at all and looked stupid with the toupe falling off. Pointless role. I feel sorry for the actor, Anatole Taubman.
  • Posts: 135
    doubleoego wrote:
    Strangways was a section chief not a henchman.
    I don't know how anyone could watch the scene where Dr. No's voice orders Strangways to pick up the tarantula, and not perceive him as a henchman for Dr. No... Not only does Dr. No have a completely dominant presence, It's like Strangways is not even important enough to warrant a face-to face meeting.
  • Posts: 4,731
    Quantum07 wrote:
    doubleoego wrote:
    Strangways was a section chief not a henchman.
    I don't know how anyone could watch the scene where Dr. No's voice orders Strangways to pick up the tarantula, and not perceive him as a henchman for Dr. No... Not only does Dr. No have a completely dominant presence, It's like Strangways is not even important enough to warrant a face-to face meeting.

    You're thinking of Professor Dent! Strangaways was the MI6 agent who was murdered by the Three Blind Mice at the start of the movie.
  • edited January 2013 Posts: 4,834
    Quantum, I think you mistook Strangways (Station Chief who gets killed in the opening scene of the movie) with Professor Dent.

    ETA; Oopsie ! Beast was faster !
  • Posts: 135
    oops! my bad... yes. Dent, I think Dent is the worst henchman... singlehandedly... blah blah... enabled OO7... blah blah... take down Dr. No.

    my apologies @doubleoego
  • Mr. Kill & Elvis.
  • Aziz_FekkeshAziz_Fekkesh Royale-les-Eaux
    Posts: 403
    Sandor from TSWLM. Aside from being physically out of shape, he gets his owned in a fight by Bond (and Moore's Bond, of all the actors) and misses Bond like a fool when trying to shoot him. Ye, Elvis was incompetent, but I think that was intentional.
  • doubleoegodoubleoego #LightWork
    Posts: 11,090
    Quantum07 wrote:
    oops! my bad... yes. Dent, I think Dent is the worst henchman... singlehandedly... blah blah... enabled OO7... blah blah... take down Dr. No.

    my apologies @doubleoego

    No worries.
  • Elvis was truly awful, but there's been a few over the years hasn't there ?

    Whisper in Live and Let Die

    Mr Kil in Die Another Day

    Hans in You Only Live Twice

    Grunther in OHMSS

    Jaws in Moonraker (should never have returned)

    Sandor - The Spy Who Loved Me

    Stamper - Tomorrow Never Dies

    couldn't really think of any others right now, although doubtless there's one or two other names out there, worthy of inclusion
  • Elvis.
  • Elvis.

    Although Jaws was pretty useless in Moonraker. In Spy he killed the guy at the bar and the bloke at the pyramids.

    In MR I don't think he actually kills anybody while he's a henchman, he just fails to kill Bond over and over then becomes a good guy.
  • SandySandy Somewhere in Europe
    Posts: 4,012
    Elvis.

    Although Jaws was pretty useless in Moonraker. In Spy he killed the guy at the bar and the bloke at the pyramids.

    In MR I don't think he actually kills anybody while he's a henchman, he just fails to kill Bond over and over then becomes a good guy.

    Which therefore turns him into an absolutely ineffective and failed henchman, now thinking about it.
  • Posts: 11,175
    What about that big, bald goon in TSWLM? Surely given his size he could beat Roger Moore in a fight? Instead we get a laughable scuffle on a roof.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    edited January 2013 Posts: 9,117
    Sandy wrote:
    Elvis.

    Although Jaws was pretty useless in Moonraker. In Spy he killed the guy at the bar and the bloke at the pyramids.

    In MR I don't think he actually kills anybody while he's a henchman, he just fails to kill Bond over and over then becomes a good guy.

    Which therefore turns him into an absolutely ineffective and failed henchman, now thinking about it.

    But at least he comes close with Manuela and Bond in the PTS.

    The closest Elvis ever gets to killing someone is.....I cant even offer a single moment. Standing pointing a gun at nobody and then getting his pants blown off? Is that what iconic Bond villains are made of?
    M gets closer in SF when she lets off a few rounds. Moneypenny gets closer in SF too having a pop at Patrice.

    In fact thinking about it all of the Bond girls carry more menace/physical threat than this buffoon:

    Honey - Well she says she killed some guy and I believe her. She also goes for her knife when she sees Bond. More threatening than Elvis ever was.
    Tatiana - Shoots Klebb. Elvis never even takes the safety off his gun.
    Pussy - Knocks Sean about a bit. Imagine Sean v Elvis - it would be a laughable mismatch, over in 2 seconds. I know Sean once said that in some circumstances you can hit a woman but even he would draw the line with poor Elvis. Would be as cruel as puttig on football boots and then kicking a rabbit to death.
    Domino - Kills Largo. Elvis can only dream of killing someone.
    Kissy - Shoots at a few people in the volcano battle. Whether she hits anyone is not clear but the fact that she gets off a round is better than hapless old Elvis.
    Tracy - Has a good fight with Grunther and eventually kills him. Grunther would smash Elvis to a pulp.
    Tiffany - Well she shoots a gun and throws the bombe suprise so again more dangerous than our bowl cut coiffured friend.
    Solitaire - Mostly a damsel in distress but she does try to hit Bond at the airport so not quite as effeminate as the Elvster.
    Goodnight - Hits the control room guy and actually kills him. Elvis would never even have the bottle to hit someone - even from behind.
    Anya - For all the 'Bonds equal' bullshit she does nothing. The closest she comes is putting up a bit of a fight against Jaws on the train. Mind you she still gets a couple of girly slaps in so again old Elvis comes out the loser in this one.
    Holly - Beats up the guys in the space station. Two men at once? Well Elvis might fantasise about it I suppose.
    Melina - Gonzalez? Thwack. Bloke at the top of the winch? Thwack. Kristatos? Wouldve been another thwack if Columbo hadnt shoved his oar in. The girls a crossbow serial killer. Elvis not anywhere near her league when it comes to kicking ass.
    Octopussy - Shoots a guy in the neck, fights with Kamals men, happy to shoot the lock off the cannon. Another Bond girl who can handle herself in a ruck better than this comedian of a henchman.
    Stacey - You would consider yourself a pretty pathetic henchman if you carry less physical threat than perpetually in peril Stacey who spends very little of her screentime not hanging from things screaming 'James' in a whiny voice. But Elvis is that pretty pathetic henchman as even Stacey goes for Zorin and then smacks Scarpine one in the airship which is more agression than this stick of wet celery could muster.
    Kara - Prepared to have a pop with a sniper rifle. OK they were blanks but still; pulling a trigger is better than old Elvis can manage. And lets not forget hitting the guy with the slop bucket or turning the windscreenwipers on.
    Pam - No contest here. Pam can handle herself in any situation and you'd want her by your side in the trenches.
    Natalya - She has a lot of spirit (more so though than Elvis) but I cant think of her being actually physically threatening. All she does is point a gun at the helicopter pilot but as Elvis only points his at an empty corridor she wins. Actually come to think of hit she sticks one on Boris as well.
    Wai Lin - See Pam.
    Christmas - Well I cant think of her actually doing anything violent but she acquits herself pretty well in several stressful and explosive situations whereas I can only picture Elvis curling up into a ball and crying. I'm sure she shows more agression when struggling with Elektra's men after being captured than Elvis would dare so she gets the nod for me.
    Jinx - Wahey!! Get some party poppers and a tube of Pringles. Possibly the only contest in which Jinx has ever come out not bottom. That alone surely has to illustrate how fundamentally crap Elvis is.
    Vesper - Grabs Obanno's hand and beats the gun out of it. Doesnt sound much but then you dont need much to beat Elvis for aggression.
    Camille & Fields - Surely in his own film hes not the most pathetic character otherwise he'd have to be a really shocking henchman wouldnt he? Well his status as 'shittest henchman of all time' is confirmed by the fact that not only would the main Bond girl be able to batter him with one arm tied behind her back but the secondary, sacrificial lamb Bond girl actually takes him down. You're a joke son.
    Severine - Could we finally have a Bond girl who is less threatening than Elvis. Well with miniscule screentime she doesnt have much chance. Just gets chatted up by Bond, shagged and then killed. However she doesnt flinch when a bloke gets his head blown off next to her and she faces her death pretty bravely. Elvis would have dropped the scotch immediately as he collapsed into the foetal position.

    I could go on with all the secondary and tertiary Bond girls like Miss Taro (a nastier piece of work than Elvis), Paula (has the bottle to take cyanide) and Manuela (pulls a knife) but you get the general idea.

    So to sum up? Elvis is a f**king embarassment of a henchman. In fact to say hes ineffectual is unfair on actual ineffectual henchmen like Mr Kil who at least gets a few punches in before he goes.

    For my money the guy in Andrea's hotel who goes 'Ooooh a suprise' carries more menace.

    Just to clarify - I'm not an Elvis fan.

    I consider this thread now closed. Can there possibly be any more to debate? We have a winner I think.
  • Posts: 11,175
    You never fail to amuse @Wizard :))
  • AliAli
    Posts: 319
    I always thought Jaws, while iconic to the series, was quite rubbish. His method of assassination involves moving very slowly towards people with his hands raised up like Dracula and, if the person is stupid enough to stay in one place, he slowly bites them on the neck. Anyone with a half a braincell would realise how easy it would be to just, you know, run away....
  • Posts: 4,834
    To be fair, Ali, he corners them first. Hard to run away when you're backed in a corner (or inside a cell, or on a cable car). And given that few people could even manage to hurt him...
  • AliAli
    Posts: 319
    You could run round the cable car until he fell over exhausted, Benny Hill style....
  • DB5DB5
    Posts: 408
    Nic Nac in TMWTGG.
  • echoecho 007 in New York
    Posts: 4,517
    How about the cable car operator in MR?
  • DragonpolDragonpol Writer @ http://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    edited January 2013 Posts: 14,947
    I found Elvis kind of interesting - daft name, wig, but he had a Jaws-like amazement at seeing Tosca, just like Jaws had when he saw the Moonraker space shuttles being launched! As a henchman, though he does nothing - perhaps down to QoS's short running time and very rushed script.
  • Posts: 82
    Elvis was truly awful, but there's been a few over the years hasn't there ?

    Whisper in Live and Let Die

    Mr Kil in Die Another Day

    Hans in You Only Live Twice

    Grunther in OHMSS

    Jaws in Moonraker (should never have returned)

    Sandor - The Spy Who Loved Me

    Stamper - Tomorrow Never Dies

    couldn't really think of any others right now, although doubtless there's one or two other names out there, worthy of inclusion

    come on now Mr Stamper was awesome. I owe you a unpleasant death, Mr. Bond
  • Posts: 1,098
    Stamper......i thought was a pretty good henchman!

    Anyway, as i started this thread, and voted for 'Elvis'.....I therefore declare myself and anyone else who voted for 'Elvis' as the winning suggestion!.......haha

    'Elvis'..........god give me strength, the producers gave him everything ......bar a guitar!
  • Posts: 135
    Quantum07 wrote:
    Does anyone think Elvis was the one who drowned Fields?

  • Posts: 13,314
    Ali wrote:
    I always thought Jaws, while iconic to the series, was quite rubbish. His method of assassination involves moving very slowly towards people with his hands raised up like Dracula and, if the person is stupid enough to stay in one place, he slowly bites them on the neck. Anyone with a half a braincell would realise how easy it would be to just, you know, run away....

    Funny, when I was very young I saw a bit of Moonraker, the scene in the Rio carnaval, and thought it was a vampire movie.
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