James Bond haiku-anything goes

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  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Easy to forget
    Valuable things we have.
    This month October.


    I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.
    --Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Noted separately by @Thunderfinger, remembering haiku master Matsuo Bashō passed this date in 1694.



    Don't wait for it to--
    Don't even want it to happ'n.
    Just watch what does happ'n.
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  • Posts: 631
    I think of a quote
    for the quote thread. Then someone
    else beats me to it
  • GatecrasherGatecrasher Classified
    Posts: 265
    His name’s Bond, James Bond
    He likes his martinis dry
    Yeah, shaken...not stirred.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    You can consider
    "Gurney" is a funny word.
    Unless you're on one.
  • edited December 2020 Posts: 1,469
    Nick Nack, Tabasco!
    But the hot sauce really is
    sexy Andrea...............................................

    M grounds Bond. But Bond,
    undeterred, still seeks Blofeld.
    In the end, Bond wins.

    Back to the salt mines!
    Let us continue our struggle.
    Your place or mine.

    Bond tries to stop Orlov,
    then shoots three soldiers dead!
    Jump on that train fast!

    Who the hell does Doctor
    No think he is? He won't
    get away with it.

    Four Vespers coming
    right up. One says "Keep the fruit".
    Shall we play cards now?
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Twenty twenty-one.
    But still there's something missing.
    No No Time To Die.
  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    Posts: 8,675
    Twenty twenty-one.
    But still there's something missing.
    No No Time To Die.

    Are you so surprised?
    There's something holding it up
    Coronavirus.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    My thinking here is
    To just watch what does happen.
    It'll be worth the wait.

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  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    edited January 2021 Posts: 12,984
    Apted legacy.
    Documentaries and Bond.
    And number seven.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    These are all very good.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Now Tanya Roberts.
    Gorgeous. The lady can cook.
    Angel in Heaven.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Life's small challenges.
    Waiting for Bond 25.
    Our own Groundhog Day.
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  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    East Bay Times reports winners in the James Bond Haiku Contest. 2008.
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    EBTIMAGEpng.png
    Winners in the James Bond haiku contest


    Daniel Craig is the latest James Bond.
    By Jackie Burrell | [email protected] | Bay Area News Group
    PUBLISHED: November 7, 2008.

    We must have the cleverest readers on the planet. From Moneypenny to M, Q’s gadgets and those amorously named Bond girls, your James Bond haiku tweaked every aspect of Ian Fleming’s oeuvre. Compared to these, the newest Bond flick, “Quantum of Solace,” is bound to disappoint!
    James, you’re my Double-O,
    I am your Moneypenny.
    Please choose ME this time.
    — Kat Mulkey, Lafayette

    I purr, “Bond, James Bond,”
    as she warmly asks my name,
    and my wife kicks me.
    — Bruce Roberts, Hayward

    Bond’s sexy symbols
    A tux, a cocktail, a gun
    Leave me shakn’ AND stirred
    — Debbie Sager, Pleasanton

    Double 0 seven.
    Bond, gets all the attention.
    Neglected. 0 six.
    — Pete Cuddyre, Oakland

    Our man, Bond, James Bond
    bests SPECTRE’s latest effort, then follows his heart.
    — Matt Cummings, Oakland

    Sean had such elan
    Pierce was suave in stylish duds
    “I’m Bond “… James,” they purred.
    — Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

    Venti mocha, please,
    Shaken, not stirred. Yes, I’ll wait
    while you ponder that.
    — Bruce Roberts, Hayward

    Oh, to be a Bond
    girl. But even young, I was
    no Halle Berry.
    — Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

    Sean, Roger, Pierce, Tim
    Hang up the black tuxedo
    Blond Bond, oh those eyes.
    — Stacey Gustafson, Pleasanton

    On missions for M
    Gorgeous girls all around him
    His choices conflict.
    — Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

    Super Brit is back!
    Sleek, sexy, facing vile foes;
    Fans groove on escape.
    — Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

    Obtain decoder,
    Kill SPECTRE agent on train
    From Russia With Love
    — Tim Hurson, Livermore

    Bond, James Bond’s beauty.
    Sleek, gimmicked, chasing evil.
    Aston Martin wheels.
    — Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

    All those Bond ladies
    With curious names ‘Galore’
    Which do you recall?
    — Mike Takayanagi, Fremont

    “Bond, James Bond,” he says.
    Then, “Shaken, not stirred,” while I,
    eyes on screen, am both.
    — Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

    In Aston Martin
    Bond presses button, launching
    multiple missiles.
    — Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

    “Sorry I blew up
    your car, Officer. Q said
    it couldn’t be done.”
    — Bruce Roberts, Hayward

    That most famous drink,
    “Shaken not stirred,” certainly
    No appletini!
    — Belinda M. Danielson, Pleasant Hill

    Bond does not stir me.
    He’s a man’s fantasy spy.
    Give me Jason Bourne.
    — Judy Pietrzak, Oakland

    Runners-up in the James Bond Haiku Contest
    Double Agent Man
    Working for the enemy
    Short is your life span
    – Bethanne Keirnan, Pleasanton

    Casino Royale
    Win at Baccarat, hit eight
    The first was the best
    – Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

    Her lips brush his neck.
    James is shaken, but not stirred.
    She is M’s suspect.
    – Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

    Craig, Connery, one
    Moore. Blond? Scottish? Londoner?
    Which suit is dealt now?
    – Sherry Weaver Smith, San Ramon

    Oh, James! Twenty one
    Beautiful Bond girls there’ve been.
    Skimpy wardrobes all!
    – Belinda M. Danielson, Pleasant Hill

    Double o seven
    handsome man on a mission
    action, guns, and girls
    – Donna Merry, Knightsen

    Sophisticated
    gadget carrying icon
    James Bond – film legend
    – Donna Merry, Knightsen

    Fair haired Daniel Craig,
    Latest Double Oh Seven.
    Blond? James Blond? Oh no!
    – Yvette Ratliff, Dublin

    Debonair James Bond
    Orders a dry Martini
    Shake, but never stir.
    – Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

    Martini in hand
    kills without batting an eye
    man of action Bond
    – Donna Merry, Knightsen

    Brave One Needling Death.
    Juggling Amorous Moves, Else Stealth.
    Babes Or Nasty Dudes.
    – Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

    Down the bar I heard
    “Martini, shaken not stirred”
    Was it James – James Bond?
    – Mike Takayanagi, Fremont

    Created by I.
    Fleming in the fifties, Bond
    still energizes.
    – Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

    The Bond formula
    Mingles danger and desire
    With sly humor too.
    – Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

    Shaken but not stirred,
    Evades grip of Dr. No,
    The name’s Bond, James Bond
    – Tim Hurson, Livermore

    James Bond in peril
    Evil and traps surround him
    Saved by Q’s magic.
    – Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

    Trained to save England
    No matter what it costs him
    The price is too high.
    – Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

    With girls and gadgets
    Bond travels the world over,
    One last adventure.
    – Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

    Sharp and debonair,
    dubious fiends beware, the
    secret agent man!
    – Matt Cummings, Oakland

    Urbane to the max
    Bond is a man of culture
    Manners are his thing
    – Pat Hobbs, Dublin

    A rugged man’s man,
    A hot lover of women,
    Double “O” Seven.
    – Jo Ann Lew, Union City

    In movies and books
    Double O Seven a spy
    Lived dangerously.
    – Charles Minshall

    The Spy Who Loved Me,
    Never Say Never Again,
    From Russia With Love
    – Shirley Sprague, Concord

    Bond’s star is rising
    Box-office bucks burgeon
    His namesake’s falling
    – John Barry, Danville

    Early Bonds are best
    Those flicks’ soundtracks’ composer
    The great John Barry
    – John Barry, Danville

    Hollywood action
    3 lines of 5-7-5
    can’t describe James Bond!
    – Nona Mock Wyman, Walnut Creek

    James, I drive a Ford,
    You drive an Aston-Martin –
    It’s as if we’re twins!
    – Bruce Roberts, Hayward

    As my new helper,
    May I call you Pussy Galore?
    Harassment? No, why?
    – Bruce Roberts, Hayward

    Seductive women,
    Dangerous gadgets, fast cars –
    007!
    – Bruce Roberts, Hayward
    After nine consecutive weeks of haiku, we’re going to try something new. This time around, we’re seeking limericks inspired by Thanksgiving — pilgrims, pumpkin pie, Aunt Mildred, or whatever evokes the holiday for you and does not involve the word “Nantucket” or anything, er, similar. Send your non-naughty limerick(s) — Google “how to write a limerick” if you need a primer on rhyme schemes — to [email protected] by noon Thursday, Nov. 20. The winner reaps the usual immortal glory and his or her choice from our selection of just-published hardcover books.
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  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    Posts: 8,675
    We could have written those, couldn't we?
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Excepting the last,
    The prose in this discussion
    Is superior.
  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    Posts: 8,675
    Let's keep it that way
    But be sure of our prowess
    To be just better. :-)
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    Yuletide adventure.
    Bond in season once again.
    O-H-M-S-S.
  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    Posts: 8,675
    You're totally right
    Still we chose to watch last night
    Beverly Hills Cop.
  • NickTwentyTwoNickTwentyTwo Vancouver, BC, Canada
    Posts: 7,526
    My next film will be
    Spectre again, probably,
    Despite the season.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    When it's winter sports.
    Snowbody does it better.
    Even in Spectre.
  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    Posts: 8,675
    A Happy New Year!
    Don't expect it this year but
    James Bond will return.
  • JedothekJedothek Pittsburgh USA
    Posts: 1
    Call me picky if you want, but I wish to correct your presentation of Fleming's haiku because as you quote it it's not 17 syllables and so makes him look sloppy. it's really

    You only live twice:
    Once when you're born,
    Once when you look death in the face.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984
    @Thunderfinger's post
    Does quote Fleming correctly
    Following the book.

    Really by design
    The number of syllables
    Will not be exact.

    But the idea
    Of @Thunderfinger's return
    Is a great notion.

    In the novel You Only Live Twice, James Bond makes an attempt at writing a haiku poem written in the Basho style:

    You only live twice
    Once when you are born
    And once when you look death in the face


    A traditional haiku consists of 17 syllables-five in the first line, seven syllables in the second line and five syllables in the third and final line. Bond himself deviated from this(5-5-9), and so can we. I thought it would be fun to see what you well-spoken people can come up with, inspired by the various films. We should keep it to three lines and less than 20 syllables in total however. It is all for fun, so anything goes.



    You_Only_Live_Twice-Ian_Fleming.jpg
    You Only Live Twice, Ian Fleming, 1964.
    "Chapter 11 - Anatomy Class"
    Tiger was in a lecturing mood. He was determined to correct Bond's boorish ignorance of Japanese culture. 'Bondo-san, I wonder if I will ever get you to appreciate the nuances of the Japanese tanka, or of the haiku, which are the classical forms of Japanese verse. Have you ever heard of Basho, for instance?'

    'No,' said Bond with polite interest. 'Who's he?'

    'Just so,' said Tiger bitterly. 'And yet you would think me grossly uneducated if I had never heard of Shakespeare, Homer, Dante, Cervantes, Goethe. And yet Basho, who lived in the seventeenth century, is the equal of any of them.'

    'What did he write?'

    'He was an itinerant poet. He was particularly at home with the haiku, the verse of seventeen syllables.' Tiger assumed a contemplative expression. He intoned:

    'In the bitter radish
    that bites into me, I feel
    the autumn wind.

    'Does that not say anything to you? Or this:

    'The butterfly is perfuming
    its wings, in the scent
    of the orchid.

    'You do not grasp the beauty of that image?'

    'Rather elusive compared to Shakespeare.'

    'In the fisherman's hut
    mingled with dried shrimps
    crickets are chirping.'

    Tiger looked at him hopefully.

    'Can't get the hang of that one,' said Bond apologetically.

    'You do not catch the still-life quality of these verses? The flash of insight into humanity, into nature? Now, do me a favour, Bondo-san. Write a haiku for me yourself. I am sure you could get the hang of it. After all you must have had some education?'

    Bond laughed. 'Mostly in Latin and Greek. All about Caesar and Balbus and so on. Absolutely no help in ordering a cup of coffee in Rome or Athens after I'd left school. And things like trigonometry, which I've totally forgotten. But give me a pen and a piece of paper and I'll have a bash, if you'll forgive the bad joke.' Tiger handed them over and Bond put his head in his hands. Finally, after much crossing out and rewriting he said, 'Tiger, how's this? It makes just as much sense as old Basho and it's much more pithy.' He read out:

    'You only live twice:
    Once when you are born
    And once when you look death in the face.'


    Tiger clapped his hands softly. He said with real delight, 'But that is excellent, Bondo-san. Most sincere.' He took the pen and paper and jotted some ideograms up the page. He shook his head. 'No, it won't do in Japanese. You have the wrong number of syllables. But it is a most honourable attempt.' He looked keenly at Bond. 'You were perhaps thinking of your mission?'

    'Perhaps,' said Bond with indifference.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984

    Twenty twenty three.
    Higson. Dynamite. IO.
    James Bond will return.

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  • LucknFateLucknFate 007 In New York
    Posts: 1,427
    JWESTBROOK wrote: »
    Quantum Of Solace
    The quest for a lover's peace
    Through vengeance of death
    JWESTBROOK wrote: »
    Adrift but not missed
    Shadows call him back
    The aging spy is resurrected

    The day of Sky Fall
    From shadows death crawls
    And only brave men stand tall.
    JWESTBROOK wrote: »
    Goodnight Goodnight sleep well my dear James
    Tomorrow brings you
    The world to save
    JWESTBROOK wrote: »
    The World's a target
    And the threat is real
    You can depend on one man
    JWESTBROOK wrote: »
    Comfort through distance
    And skill with a scope
    A view to a kill

    A deafening crack
    The birds fly as the man falls
    To live and let die

    A mission complete
    Never nervous is the spy
    On Her Majesty's Secret Service



    These are quite good when trying, as are many of the others. Here's a new one:

    Tomorrow Brings The World
    Danger, Love, and Adventure
    James Bond Will Return
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 12,984

    Twenty twenty-four.
    Dynamite. La La. Sherwood.
    James Bond has returned.

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  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou. I can still hear my old hound dog barkin'.
    edited January 20 Posts: 8,675
    Bond's fate intertwines,
    No Time to Die, secrets waltz,
    Echoes of gunfire.


    Disclosure: This is the result of me asking ChatGPT to write a haiku about NTTD.

    And here's its take on writing a sonnet about GE:

    In shadows cast on screens of gleaming gold,
    A world unfolds, where secrets tightly held,
    GoldenEye spies a tale to be told,
    Through echoes of the past, a story swelled.

    Piercing the night with steel and steady gaze,
    Bond stands amidst a dance of smoke and flame,
    A flicker in his eye, a daring blaze,
    In every move, a touch of lethal aim.

    Through corridors of deceit, he strides,
    Reflections shimmer in a cold façade,
    A chessboard of intrigue where danger hides,
    Yet 007, unyielding, plays his card.

    GoldenEye's legacy, a timeless quest,
    In pixels and in deeds, the spy is best.


    Not bad. Not bad at all. And finally for now, an AI limerick about LALD:

    In the world where secrets conspire,
    Bond faced danger, flames, and fire.
    With voodoo and crime,
    In the tropics' hot clime,
    Live and Let Die, his wit did inspire.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    edited January 20 Posts: 12,984
    That is pretty good,
    @j_w_pepper.
    Sans humanity.
  • LucknFateLucknFate 007 In New York
    Posts: 1,427
    Pretty good until you realize Bond is playing cards at a chess match.
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