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James Bond News • James Bond Articles • James Bond Magazine
The CGI sucked in a major way
The dialogue stinks
She's more than a Jinx
Now give back my money, or I'll make someone pay.
There once was a Frenchman named Hugo
Who lived in the States in a big chateaux
He crafted a plot
The work of a crackpot
But now he's flying through the Cosmo
Renard loved a young woman named King
He couldn't feel pain so she taught him to sing
Bond crept in unseen
And kicked him right up between
Now he wears his balls in a sling.
It should have been the most glorious Day.
Might as well have been filmed by M. Bay
The effects were not snazzy
Halle deserved another Razzie
I should have hit eject and not play!
So it's a surprise to say that she is not too bright
One day in Bangkok
She got a big shock
When she ended up in a boot in flight
You've got me hooked, Willy!
An ode to @DarthDimi:
His troll hunting days keep him keen
But at night he remains to be seen
They drive him all mad
So he reigns fear on the bad
Now Dimi’s kept MI6 clean.
And a mention to @0Brady
I've got this incredible hunch
That this member's the best of the bunch
Some say he is shady
So give three cheers to our Brady
But @QBranch says don't touch his lunch! ;-)
For if I do catch you, Bond, stuffing your hole
I'll ban you from gadgets
Your fate will be tragic
These Deus ex machina keep saving your soul.
You can't kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you
I look really beaut' in my Robocop suit
I'm busting to pee
To the loo I must flee
If I drip some on me I'll electrocute.
Twas feisty, and dangerous, but she got the chop
In a jungle one day
Her life was taken away
As she always liked a good squeeze in a treetop
You've all dreamt that you've heard it before
This rhyme is a token
As my eye is still broken
And I'll leave you all wanting much more.
Ornithologist James Bond felt quite sick
Ian Fleming called his name quite bland
For that criticism, Bond wouldn't stand
That limey was such a prick
There once was a man named Saxby Burt
Who thanks to James Bond got badly hurt
He said: “Please tell me
how you like your pussy”
To which Bond replied: “Shaven, not furred.”
Karl's life has been lived through a lens
He was terribly cross
When Bond caused him a loss
Now he's being treated for the bends.
He's a genius but he can't play the piano
Because his hands were severed
Which turned him bad tempered
And now he is power mad and a bit of wacko
To kill Bond and escape in a van
Wily James looked quite needy
and Red Grant was just greedy
So "You won't be needing this anymore, old man!"
Lines 1, 2 and 5 must rhyme with the same end word (cat, mat, hat etc). Lines 3 and 4 must be shorter and should rhyme with each other.
Limericks have a rhyming scheme of aabba. Basically, lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, as do lines 3 and 4. Lines 3 and 4 are usually much shorter than all other lines, but as this is all for fun, that shouldn't really matter.
The bullet fixed grotesquely in her head
As the car thunders away
Bond swears revenge someday
But Diamonds Are Forever came along instead
You explained it better than me @0Brady :-)
I think I'm in love with Eva Green
My heart is her kingdom, she the queen.
One day when I saw her on the street
I proposed to make my heart complete
Her restraining order against me was quite mean.
But seriously, Eva. Call me. :)]
You might find it funny, but there is nothing comical about being told to stay exactly 500 feet away from your beloved. Star-crossed lovers, just like Romeo and Juliet. :((
He didn't die, but it made him quite ill
Disguised as a cop
His plan was a flop
Now he's left to run for the hill
The Bond haiku is dead
People may love you more
But I am way ahead
This limerick fashion will splatter
My thread is better
It is Bond by the letter
At least it is the latter.
His behaviour towards women was odd
Bond was in strife
But this lad with the knife
Ended up as a minced little sod.