"Split my sides laughing" - The Joke Thread.

barryt007barryt007 Throwing Kara 'brain dead' Milovy off the top of a Ferris Wheel in Vienna
edited March 2011 in General Discussion Posts: 11,940
Show us your funny side in here peeps.
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Comments

  • Posts: 114
    Okay, okay....


    So.... what's brown and sticky?

















































    A stick.



  • Posts: 299
    Why was Tigger's head in the toilet?









































    He was looking for Pooh.
  • Posts: 158
    What do you use to brush a bee's hair?





















    A honeycomb
  • Posts: 638
    Do the jokes need to be clean and PC? Because I don't know any of those kind of jokes :-D
  • Posts: 299
    Absolutely.
  • Posts: 91
    What's cheese that's not yours?













    Nacho cheese.
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 107
    Why did the mushroom go to the party?



























    Because he was a fungi. Why did the fungi leave the party?



























    Because there wasn't mushroom!
  • Why do cows wear bells?
    Their horns don't work!

    Two waffles were about to be eaten when they were suddenly covered in chocolate syrup. One says to the other "Aren't we in a sticky situation!"

    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
  • Posts: 13,101
    Two corn flakes were fighting on top of the box and one killed the other one. How do you know which one was killed?




























    I'll tell you next week because it's a cereal.
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 1,973
    How do crazy people go through the forest?
    Answer: They take the psycho path!

    How do you get holy water?
    Answer: Boil the hell out of it!
  • Posts: 299
    Luds! [-X You can't say H E double hockey sticks. :-ss
  • Posts: 348
    Quoting Luds: How do crazy people go through the forest?

    Answer: They take the psycho path!



    How do you get holy water?

    Answer: Boil the hell out of it!
    That's offensive.

    You're going to get banned.
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 1,973
    Quoting retrokitty: Luds! [-X You can't say H E double hockey sticks.
    Let me review with the chief of bad language over here...
    Luds: I'm cool with it.

    Awesome!
  • Posts: 299
    O:)
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 1,973
    Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other.

    One says to the other, "Are you all right?"

    "No, I lost an electron!"

    "Are you sure?"

    Answer:"I'm positive!"
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 299
    Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
    A. It saw the salad dressing!

    Poopers, how do you do hidden text?
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 1,973
    < font color=white>bla < /font>
    Remember that you'll see the answer as your posts are blue but are white for others *-:)
  • edited March 2011 Posts: 299
    I copied the coding from your post but that was different... ok... let's try this:

    Q. What did the water say to the boat?
    A. Nothing, it just waved.

    YAY!
  • Posts: 1,973
    Quoting retrokitty: I copied the coding from your post but that was different
    Yep, that's your browser translating the HTML differently, there are multiple ways to do it. Depending on which browser you use, you see different results. For instance, some browsers may interpret quotes many different ways (upon copying them)
  • How did the elephant go into the fridge?


    It opened the door and went in.


    The Lion King invited all the animals to a party. Who didn't show up?


    The elephant who was still in the fridge


    :D
  • Posts: 2,302
    How did the worm passed the street full of cars?
    Answer:it didnt passed
  • Posts: 20
    A young woman was very concerned about the size of her opening...

  • saunderssaunders Living in a world of avarice and deceit
    Posts: 987
    How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?























    Only one, but an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.
  • Posts: 299

    Oh great. Now you've offended the kiddies as well as the perverts.
  • Posts: 114
    Okay. So, there is a turtle. And he needs to talk to a turtle on the other side of the turtle town. What does he do?

    Pulls out his... SHELLPHONE, of course....
  • Posts: 5,050
    I used to work in a pet shop, but I got fired.
    They caught me with my hand in the trill.
  • Posts: 833
    What do you call an italian with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • Daniel Craig walked into a pub asked for a drink.

    The bar man said ok that's £2.70.

    Daniel Craig said here you go.

    The bar man served him the drink. Daniel Craig sat down and enjoyed his drink.
  • Posts: 833
    Quoting forgotmyusername: The bar man said ok that's £2.70.
    Hahaha. £2.70. That's funny. Obviously not a London pub then.
  • edited April 2011 Posts: 117
    What sort of cheese would you use to lure a bear out of a tree?




























































    Camembert!
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