Best one liners

peterpeter Toronto
in Bond Movies Posts: 2,110
If this is already a thread, please excuse this one.

One liners, as well as gadgets, in a Bond film, are two of my least favourite parts to a 007 film. I love the man more than any exploding watches or double entendres. This is precisely why I was happy with CR when the gadgets were realistic tools instead of zany and coincidental deus ex machina devices.

However, recently watching the older Bond films ('62-'74), I realized the writers really knew how to massage witty one liners into a scene. My favourite one being this dandy from DAF:

James Bond has just returned to his hotel room with Plenty. He slips off her dress as they share a kiss. She goes to freshen up in the bathroom, so Bond turns on a lamp and realizes he's not alone: some thugs are there and guns are trained on him.

Looking this danger in the face, Connery delivers the following line:

"I'm afraid you caught me with more than my hands up."

The combination of the events happening in the scene and Connery's poker-face created a moment of magic and true humour . It reminded me that, although Connery was not in the best shape, he was king at delivering these types of lines, and, although Roger came close with "Speak or forever hold your piece", Connery was the best IMHO....

And now, please share your favourite one liners and why...


  • TokolosheTokoloshe Under your bed
    Posts: 2,603
    "That last hand... nearly killed me."

    The icy delivery of this witty but pointed barb was proof, to me, that we'd left the awfulness of DAD far behind us and entered a whole new era. Straight out of the Connery book of cool.
  • Considerably.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles Reminder: Unsafe driving will void warranty!
    edited January 2017 Posts: 1,879
    "They'll print anything these days." Best one-liner in the series. It's the kind of detached, dry humor I expect from Bond.
  • peterpeter Toronto
    Posts: 2,110
    @Tokoloshe, absolutely a smart way of weaving a line in that is not only there as a laugh, but also as something that represents Bond's character: he's not going to go away so easily. It's a perfect example of writing and delivery.
  • peterpeter Toronto
    Posts: 2,110
    @shamanimal, yes, considerably is also something massaged into the script that relies on dry wit performance as well... It's amazing how similar CR and QOS quips are to SC films... But I still find nothing better than, "I'm afraid you caught me with more than my hands up"...

    But I do think DC's "That last hand, it almost killed me" comes close...
  • GoldenGunGoldenGun Station B, Belgium
    Posts: 2,551
    "They'll print anything these days." Best one-liner in the series. It's the kind of detached, dry humor I expect from Bond.

    That is a great one. Always liked Pierce's delivery there.
  • peterpeter Toronto
    Posts: 2,110
    And because ive been hard on the Dalts, I do like "sorry old man section 23, paragraph five...", shows Bond putting a little salt in Saunders...
  • LordBrettSinclairLordBrettSinclair Greensleeves
    Posts: 167
    Connery: She's just dead.

    Lazenby: He's branched off.

    Moore: too many to choose but I'll give you this: He had no head for heights.

    Dalton: He got the boot.

    Brosnan: too many to choose but I'll have this: You know, I've missed your sparkling personality.

    Craig: Hello. We're teachers on sabbatical and we've just won the lottery.
  • suavejmfsuavejmf England
    edited January 2017 Posts: 3,480
    Fatima Blush: 'Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet.'

    Bond: 'Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James…' (Never Say Never Again).

    Reason: Very very smooth and it works because it's Connery.
  • peterpeter Toronto
    Posts: 2,110
    @suavejmf, SC made it look effortless, didn't he. I think DC is similar in efficient delivery, when it's not forced, like the above mentioned sabbatical line, or when Vesper comments on his "perfectly formed ass".

    "You noticed"....
  • QuantumOrganizationQuantumOrganization We have people everywhere
    Posts: 1,166
    "Do I look like I give a damn."
  • peterpeter Toronto
    Posts: 2,110
    @QuantumOrganization, yes! I remember the first time I saw CR and when this line was delivered, I was like an excited puppy ready to pee with excitement...

    And then when Bond saw LeChiffre, snatched the knife off the table and pursued to assassinate the man...

    ... I did pee like an excited puppy.

    (Not literally, but you get the idea).
  • MurdockMurdock Mr. 1000
    Posts: 14,648
    "Call me James, it's five days to Alaska."
  • edited January 2017 Posts: 6,432
    Slumber goon 1: The stiff, ehm, the deceased back there... Your brother, Mr. Franks?
    James Bond: Yes, it was.
    Slumber goon 2: I got a brudder.
    James Bond: Small world.

    I love Connery's put downs

  • ForYourEyesOnlyForYourEyesOnly In the untained cradle of the heavens
    edited September 2017 Posts: 1,974
    Connery had a lot of good zingers, but TB was undoubtedly his prime for me (though DAF comes fairly close).

    - "No, I know a little about women."
    - "Wait till you get to my teeth."
    -" Seems terribly difficult... No, it isn't, is it?"
    - "I think he got the point."
    - "Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She's just dead!"
    - "You're glad?"

    Even his non-verbal cues here are excellent. Decorating corpses with flowers and wrapping them with telephone cords, eating the grape, giving Fiona Volpe the shoes to put on, etc. are all so good. Connery's at his absolute best here. Best performance in the series for me.

    While I liked "He had lots of guts!", I prefer Lazenby's quieter one-liners. "Gatecrasher" and "This never happened to the other fellow" are my favourites from him. I also liked "Just a slight stiffness coming on", and I would've liked "I'm superstitious" but Lazenby's delivery for that one was terrible.

    Moore had great one-liners in pretty much all of his movies, but MR might be the one where he makes me laugh the most, especially his repartees with Drax who also had possibly the best zingers of any villain:

    - "You missed Mr Bond"..."Did I?"
    - "A woman!"
    - "Play it again, Sam!"
    - "Hang on, James!"..."The thought had occurred to me!"
    - "Do you know him?"..."Not socially!"
    - "Desolated, Mr Bond?"..."Heartbroken, Mr Drax!"
    - "Take a giant step for mankind!"

    OP's a close second, with some equally good lines but they weren't sustained throughout the film like MR. I would put LALD third with "Sheer magnetism", "I suspect the highlight of the tour" and "I certainly wouldn't have killed you before", among others.

    Dalton's best one liners were things like "And a cello" or "Switch the bloody machine off!" where he could put some emotion into them — he just didn't look like he wanted to deliver the cheesier lines like "He got the boot!" or "Salt corrosion" and he certainly couldn't manage the deadpan deliveries that Connery and Moore gave.

    Brosnan offered some good ones too:

    - "I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank."
    - "She always did enjoy a good squeeze."
    - "You'll forgive me if I don't call"
    - "Backseat driver."
    - "I'm just a professional doing a job!"..."Me too!"
    - "You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot — give the people what they want!" (the scene itself was bad, but I actually didn't mind Brosnan's delivery for this instance despite the uncharacteristic emotion)
    - "He was buried with work."
    - "Expecting Davidov? He caught a bullet, instead of a plane."

    The rest of them I found had overly laboured deliveries, especially the other ones in TWINE and things like "One rises to meet a challenge". Some of the others were too try-hard (the "edifice complex" line is possibly the worst in the series, and the "attachment" one from the same scene is also pretty bad).

    Craig's great at deadpan and sarcastic deliveries:

    - "Do I look like I give a damn?"
    - "How's your lamb?"..."Skewered. One sympathises."
    - "Don't worry, you're not my type."..."Smart?"..."Single."
    - "I’ve got a little itch, down there. Would you mind?"
    - "You were supposed to shoot her!"..."Well, I missed!"
    - "Can I offer an opinion? I really think you people should find somewhere better to meet."
    - "Last rat standing."
    - "Latest thing from Q Branch... it's called a radio!"
    - "It's a waste of good scotch!"
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    edited December 2017 Posts: 1,981
    Interesting. I was sure there must be a thread for the dialogue in Bond and it's only one page old....

    One of the main reasons I am obsessed with Bond now is the dialogue in the films.
    Even in the most serious films there are enough one-liners, witty remarks and repartee between characters to make Bond truly a special and memorable experience.

    I have already incorporated much of the "Bond vocabulary" into my own way of speaking and expressing myself.
    I'm highly skilled in the memory department and so I could probably recite the whole spoken script of Diamonds Are Forever, after seeing it three times.

    Allow me to say that Moore's dialogue and repartee with M or Q and Moneypenny is especially easy on the ears.

    I couldn't even start to list my favorites though. DAF probably is the film with the most wit and humorous quips, for me that is.

    I'm planning to make my own "Bond dictionary, Bond sayings and one-liners."
    Not sure yet how I will structure it, but it'll be a nice hobby for the lonely nights in my army bed next year.

    If I must choose one of each actor it's:

    Sean Connery - "Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She's just dead."
    ...that one really took me by surprise and it took two seconds until I got the gravity of it and then it was laughing out loud...Connery's comedic timing is only rivaled by Moore's really.

    George Lazenby - "Just a slight stiffness coming on in the shoulder."
    ...I admit I love the sex talk in Bond. Ruby using her lipstick on Bond gave me a slight stiffness too because I know how it feels.

    Roger Moore - "Keeping the British end up, sir."'s so Moore and it's a most brilliant ending to a brilliant film.

    Timothy Dalton - "Sorry, old man. Section 26, paragraph 5: need-to-know. I'm sure you understand." this one because it's a repartee with delay, a great effect and a great comedic moment.

    Pierce Brosnan - "Time to face gravity."
    ...what a great line and I was laughing and clapping my hands of joy.

    Daniel Craig - "Oh, Im sorry. That last hand, it nearly killed me."
    ...some great dialogue in the Casino Royale.
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