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Might not be the worst idea.
Memorandum sent 25/6/2025
Classification: Gold level (For Your Eyes Only)
Dear colleagues,
Death is a given in this life. In MI6 it is an eventuality that we prepare our field agents for, as best we are able. Out there, in foreign theatres, we operate with the understanding that, despite all our precautions, things may go wrong. What we don’t expect is Death’s scythe to swing in our own back yard.
It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to M. As you will know by now, M passed away last week, a heart attack, in his local Greggs. The absurdist nature of his final moments would have appealed to him. I remember his first words to me when I joined Q Branch more than two decades ago, sat behind his desk, smoking his customary pipe. ‘There are two kinds of operatives here, Q. Those who stay in the shadows and those who cast them. Guess which one you are?’ M was a tyrant, a father confessor, and one of the finest men I have ever known. We shall miss him.
So, what now? I am told that the new M will be in post within the week. In the meantime it is business as usual. Later this week we will be testing the Penetrator, our laser-guided titanium crossbow. As you know, I am not entirely convinced as to the field-utility of this particular weapon, but it was a project close to M’s heart and so we shall continue as planned. No doubt the likes of 007 will find some use for it. I just don’t want to be in the vicinity when he does.
Finally, congratulations to DAVID N. for correctly ascertaining the answer to the puzzle in my previous memo, and for being fortunate enough to be picked at random from all the correct entries. The answer, of course, was WALTHER PPK, the name of the gun that I gave James Bond before his Dr. No mission. Below you will find this edition’s puzzle. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Major Boothroyd
Head of Q Branch
P.S. Here is this edition’s puzzle. One ‘winner’ shall be picked at random from all correct entries and will be mentioned in my following memo. MI6 Archives shall rustle up a book to send to you* Pot luck, I’m afraid! Fill in this form to enter... This month’s puzzle is as follows:
Who was the first actor to play M in the James Bond films?
*UK entrants only, alas!
Book teaser.
Then you have Q/Boothroyd being at MI6 for over two decades but also being the one who gave Bond his Walther PPK before his mission in Dr. No (which was of course published in 1958!). The dates don't add up. It all seems rather confused to me but that's probably to be expected when you mix the novels with the films like that.
Yeah it's a weird gag. What even is the gag? Is it a gag?
For a man who once dined on the finest foods and wines at the private club Blades I must say that Greggs is quite a comedown. Perhaps this isn't the M of old though?
IFP have lost me. I'm sure that the old M would've had something to say about the Greggs Vegan Sausage Roll!
As for what that has to do with M, or Q, no idea.
Classification: Gold level (For Your Eyes Only)
Dear colleagues,
With the new M now firmly in place, it is back to business as usual here at Q Branch. Many of you will have noticed the arrival this week of half a dozen assorted robots, varying from vaguely humanoid in form to distinctly canine. Creative naming is already underway with early offerings including Mrs Thatcher, Bono and Lassie. Our unusual guests are, of course, part of a new programme of testing, to determine the threat level posed by the advent of so-called ‘social robots’.
Social robots are already active in many theatres. Tens of thousands have been deployed in school settings, in care homes and in military environments. Increasingly, humankind is moving past its fear of a ‘Terminator Armageddon’, the idea that we might all be slaughtered in our beds by robots that resemble Austrian bodybuilders in stolen leather jackets and bad haircuts.
But the truth is that there is much to fear. Robots are, essentially, a mass of circuitry powered by artificial intelligence. They can be hacked. They can be re-tasked to perform nefarious acts. And then there is the ultimate horror scenario. The word ‘robot’ comes from the Czech word robata meaning forced servitude. How long until intelligent robots decide they’ve have enough of serving their ‘meat-sack’ human masters, inferior in almost every respect? And what will we do about it when that time comes? A question that it is now our job to answer. After all, as 007 pointed out to me just yesterday, you cannot incapacitate a robot by ‘kicking it in the bollocks’.
Finally, congratulations to ANDREW W. for correctly ascertaining the answer to the puzzle in my previous memo, and for being fortunate enough to be picked at random from all the correct entries. The answer, of course, was BERNARD LEE. Below you will find this edition’s puzzle. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Major Boothroyd
Head of Q Branch
P.S. Here is this edition’s puzzle. One ‘winner’ shall be picked at random from all correct entries and will be mentioned in my following memo. MI6 Archives shall rustle up a book to send to you* Pot luck, I’m afraid! Fill in this form to enter... This month’s puzzle is as follows:
In the 1951 science fiction film, The Day The Earth Stood Still, an alien visitor named Klaatu has a robot companion. What was its name?
*UK entrants only, alas!