Suffering from a mental illness

Hello dear forummembers,


Perhaps many people in here know that I am a very passionate participant in discussions. But lately I'm going through a rather bad period in my life. Like so many episodes in my 34-year old lifespan. I want to talk with you about the destructiveness of mental illnesses. And especially what such a psychological personality disorder syndrome does to my life and how it truly facilitates depressions and sometimes even physical problems (automutilation).

I am suffering from a combination of Borderline Personality Disorder Syndrome and a milder version of Asperger Syndrome. To give you an idea what these syndromes actually mean in my case, I have made a 'checklist' of characteristics and symptoms:

Borderline (in my case):
--> People with BPD feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and longer than others do.
--> The emotions of people with BPD may repeatedly resurge and persist a long time andit may take more time for people with BPD than others to return to a stable emotional baseline.
--> People with BPD are often exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving.
--> But people with BPD feel overwhelmed by negative emotions ("anxiety, depression, guilt/shame, worry, anger, etc."), experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness.
--> People with BPD are also especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, criticism, isolation, and perceived failure.
--> Efforts of BPD-ers to manage or escape from their very negative emotions may lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior.
--> People with BPD feel joy intensely, they are especially prone to dysphoria, depression, and/or feelings of mental and emotional distress.
--> Some types of dysphoria are: Feeling betrayed, "feeling like hurting myself", and feeling out of control.
--> Impulsive behavior is common, including substance or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, unprotected sex or indiscriminate sex with multiple partners, reckless spending, and reckless driving. (In my case it's related to eating disorders and indeed reckless spending).
--> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).

Asperger Syndrome (mild variant in my case):
People with AS may not be as withdrawn around others, compared with those with other, more debilitating forms of autism; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction.

This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd". This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive. However, not all individuals with AS will approach others. Some of them may even display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most people and excessively to specific people. Some may choose only to talk to people they like.

There's a lot more to read about both Borderline Syndrome and Asperger Syndrome. I encourage everyone to read a bit more about these mental illnesses on Wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

and

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I hope this creates some understanding on the forum, as I have experienced many times problems with other people on here. Moreover, since we are not able to see each other in flesh and blood, it becomes at times even more problematic to function 'normal' over here.


Kind regards,
Gert Waterink (A.K.A. Gustav_Graves)
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Comments

  • stagstag In the thick of it!
    Posts: 1,053
    I've read this Gustav & was aware of your issues as you had mentioned them elsewhere. It is good to know that you possess the mental toughness & spirit which allows you to share details of your condition. In the (defunct?) EU thread I was one of those guilty of taking issue with you through misinterpretation of your posts, however after you explained all was clear.

    Me myself? I have a very dry humour which does not translate well over the ether. People think I am being serious when I am jesting.

  • I would not call it mental illness that's quite a negative term, I think anything unique to any individual person you have to view it in a positive way.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,284
    I would not call it mental illness that's quite a negative term, I think anything unique to any individual person you have to view it in a positive way.
    I like that!
  • chrisisall wrote: »
    I would not call it mental illness that's quite a negative term, I think anything unique to any individual person you have to view it in a positive way.
    I like that!
    Cheers mate.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,284
    Birdleson wrote: »
    This seems to be fairly common on here, the more I get to know people. We are a bunch of crazy bastards.
    As proof- Ash Vs. Evil Dead is my new favourite TV series.
    8-}
  • PropertyOfALadyPropertyOfALady Colders Federation CEO
    Posts: 3,669
    @Gustav_Graves, you are a valued member of the forum.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,284
    @Gustav_Graves, you are a valued member of the forum.
    I thought that went without saying, but yes, definitely.
  • MurdockMurdock Mr. 2000
    Posts: 16,183
    I wouldn't classify those as mental illness at all. I have quite a few friends who have some form of autism, and I don't see them as ill or inferior. We are all unique and special in our own ways, and we shouldn't see things we may not understand as an illness.

    As @PropertyOfALady has stated, @Gustav_Graves, you are indeed a valued member of this community. :)
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,284
    Murdock wrote: »
    I wouldn't classify those as mental illness at all. I have quite a few friends who have some form of autism, and I don't see them as ill or inferior. We are all unique and special in our own ways, and we shouldn't see things we may not understand as an illness.
    Yes @Murdock, in fact, all people suffer some form of what would be referred to as 'mental illness'. Emotional & mental variance is part of the Human Condition.
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    Posts: 23,883
    chrisisall wrote: »
    Murdock wrote: »
    I wouldn't classify those as mental illness at all. I have quite a few friends who have some form of autism, and I don't see them as ill or inferior. We are all unique and special in our own ways, and we shouldn't see things we may not understand as an illness.
    Yes @Murdock, in fact, all people suffer some form of what would be referred to as 'mental illness'. Emotional & mental variance is part of the Human Condition.
    I agree.
  • Posts: 11,425
    @Gustav_Graves, I enjoy your ever enthusiastic contributions! keep it up and don't let the negativity or aggression that sometimes crops up (rarely) get you down. Most people on here are thoroughly decent - even the Brosnan fans!
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,284
    Getafix wrote: »
    Most people on here are thoroughly decent - even the Brosnan fans!
    You suffer BCD* sir.

    *Brosnan Compulsive Disorder
  • stagstag In the thick of it!
    Posts: 1,053
    Getafix wrote: »
    Most people on here are thoroughly decent - even the Brosnan fans!

    I wouldn't go that far. We all know there is somthing seriously wrong with Brosnan fans!

    :))
  • Posts: 6,601
    I know of your condition, GG, and personally I value as a proper member of this forum and hence, I argue with you the same way as with others. For me, this is a way to pay respect and not treat you as sick or crippled. Like some said, we all have our issues, that certainly shine through on a bad day or a good one. Keep up the good work, man and don't let us bastards get you down. ;;)
  • Germanlady wrote: »
    I know of your condition, GG, and personally I value as a proper member of this forum and hence, I argue with you the same way as with others. For me, this is a way to pay respect and not treat you as sick or crippled. Like some said, we all have our issues, that certainly shine through on a bad day or a good one. Keep up the good work, man and don't let us bastards get you down. ;;)

    It is difficult though. Especially on a professional level. I was about to get fired one month ago because of this. After I just started a new position on February 1st. And only since I became very honest to myself......and to my manager.....it was possible to get some understanding for all the 'shit' I have been causing.

    I mean, I know people want to treat me like any other person. But that does not always work. Borderline and Asperger are mental handicaps. And as long as some people around me don't know of it, life will get tougher and tougher.

    I have been told that I need to change myself all my life. It becomes tiresome. Let the people around me adapt a bit to me. Because I don't want to change my personality anymore. I am who I am....with my mental illness. I learned more or less how to live with it. But it would be nice if this 'coming out' of mine is a reminder that there's a reason I'm a pain in the ass sometimes.....

    Having said that, accepting me as a person with Borderline and Asperger works better for me than accepting only my 'good' sides and wash away 'that stupid Borderline and Asperger'.
  • Posts: 6,601
    Accepting yourself is the best way to deal with it and not trying to hide it, as you do.
    I guess, Part of it is - for you - to deal with people reacting to you as they do, not realising or not caring about your consition. But I think its great, that you don't wanna change anymore. Its you, its part of you and its who you are. The good and the bad as with all of us. Its like people expect someone to run with just one leg. If you accept your one leg, others will come to do that more and more. And yes, people who are a bit sensitive, will adapt more and not take you too serious, if you are in the grip of it. I would think, you are on a good way and maybe it helps, if you view it from a distance, if you are angry, sad and whatnot and see it as - IT is having the better of me just now, but it will go away. Let it go away without giving it too much energy or thought.
  • --> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).

    That sounds pretty serious to me, if you really are hurting yourself.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,487
    I am not unfamiliar with mental illness. Just don t let it define you, and know that even though you don t feel you can change, life will change you just the same.
  • --> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).

    That sounds pretty serious to me, if you really are hurting yourself.

    I actually do. My forehead is a bit of a mess right now. Scratching heavily, quite big visible red-skinned wounds on my forehead.
  • edited September 2016 Posts: 1,817
    --> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).

    That sounds pretty serious to me, if you really are hurting yourself.

    I actually do. My forehead is a bit of a mess right now. Scratching heavily, quite big visible red-skinned wounds on my forehead.

    Jesus. I'm sorry. I don't know if I come across as ingenuine or unfeeling, and I don't know how else I can put it, but I earnestly hope you're alright and everything's OK.
  • Posts: 6,601
    You need to find another way to let out the pain, because its nothing but that. Too much pain inside and you try to make it disappear through more pain outside.
  • @Gustav_Graves based on what you have said you should seek medical intervention if you have not already. :)
  • @Gustav_Graves based on what you have said you should seek medical intervention if you have not already. :)

    I already have :-). Every month I get a new recipe of the anti-depressant Fluoxetina. Doctor's orders, as in my case the medication probably needs to be used my entire life. Mental illnesses are also chronical. I take two pills a day :-).

  • Although it only has an average effect at times I think.....
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 7,459
    It does, I know from experience. But try not to go too far with those. They often have pretty severe side-effects.

  • mcdonbbmcdonbb deep in the Heart of Texas
    Posts: 4,116
    Prayers and thoughts and support to you @Gustav_Graves.

    Although I have really nothing constructive to add ...more of a lurker of this thread it does mean a great deal that you shared both in terms of forum members offering support and as a help to others.

    At least for me it helps. Thanks.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    edited September 2016 Posts: 9,117
    mcdonbb wrote: »
    Prayers and thoughts and support to you @Gustav_Graves.

    Although I have really nothing constructive to add ...more of a lurker of this thread it does mean a great deal that you shared both in terms of forum members offering support and as a help to others.

    At least for me it helps. Thanks.

    Backing for the power of prayer in a thread about mental illness? Oh the irony.

    I implore you to keep taking your pills @Gustav as they are the only thing likely to help your condition.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 21,988
    Backing for the power of prayer in a thread about mental illness? Oh the irony.

    Indeed, let's not make things worse.

  • DragonpolDragonpol Writer @ https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 16,317
    DarthDimi wrote: »
    Backing for the power of prayer in a thread about mental illness? Oh the irony.

    Indeed, let's not make things worse.

    Or better.
  • Posts: 1,314
    mcdonbb wrote: »
    Prayers and thoughts and support to you @Gustav_Graves.

    Although I have really nothing constructive to add ...more of a lurker of this thread it does mean a great deal that you shared both in terms of forum members offering support and as a help to others.

    At least for me it helps. Thanks.

    Backing for the power of prayer in a thread about mental illness? Oh the irony.

    I implore you to keep taking your pills @Gustav as they are the only thing likely to help your condition.

    Medication is a valuable treatment. But talking therapy, cbt, and just having a positive outlet in your life is valuable too. Hope the forum provides that for you gustav. All the best
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