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What if James Bond would be female?

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  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    Well, some things would have a female equivalent, while others would not. GF's butt-slap (c), for instance, probably wouldn't happen, and would probably instead be Jane (we'll just use that name, instead of maybe Jamie, or some other feminine equivalent of James) wrapping her arms around the lad and giving him a peck on the cheek before slipping a 20 in his Speedo and sending him on his way. Jane would probably have to fight off the doctor staff at Shrubland's in TB. God only knows how YOLT would have gone, what with Japanese women putting men first and all. She'd probably be sent undercover as one of the women needing help in OHMSS. Probably be a showgirl in DAF.

    There are so many possibilities, somebody could probably write an "alternate history" fanfic series based on the idea of Bond being female.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    edited March 2012 Posts: 13,894
    DaltonCraig007 wrote:
    The butt-slap in GF would have to be done on a young teenage boy who was giving Jane her massage... no way a woman giving a butt-slap to a male adult would be credible.

    What could be the female equivalent of the Q-Bond exchange 'Balls Q?' 'Bolas 007......' ???

    :-? How about:

    Jane: "Jugs Q?"
    Q: "Cups 007."
  • licensetoforumlicensetoforum
    Posts: 371
    Well it would get Lazenby off the throne of most hated Bond by the general public.
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    Surely this is going down the same avenue as in 'what if Bond was colored' -, 'what if Bond was American', -'what if Bond was an extra terrestrial with three heads from the planet Zarkoff' etc etc

    It's easily remedied, as we can look beyond all this and categorically state that James Bond 007 should always be white, British and of male gender

    Simples
  • licensetoforumlicensetoforum
    Posts: 371
    Baltimore_007 wrote:
    Surely this is going down the same avenue as in 'what if Bond was colored' -, 'what if Bond was American', -'what if Bond was an extra terrestrial with three heads from the planet Zarkoff' etc etc

    It's easily remedied, as we can look beyond all this and categorically state that James Bond 007 should always be white, British and of male gender

    Simples
    Perfectly spoken (or I guess typed). Classic charecters have boundaries that should not be crossed.

  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    licensetoforum wrote:
    Classic charecters have boundaries that should not be crossed.

    Lines exist to be crossed.
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    Thing is though, there may very well be a Jane Bond (female lead) somewhere down the line, but it will merely be a spin off or spoof of the official franchise, like Casino Royale or Never Say Never Again were, It wouldn't be taken seriously and only for a bit of fun- that is as far as peoples dreams or aspirations will stretch. No such event would occur with the official series. Won't happen- can't happen
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,331
    We'd have a Felicia Leiter.
    Jock this is Felicia,
    Hello Jock,
    Jock Say goodbye to Felicia
    Huh?
    Girl Talk. *slips 20 in his shorts*
  • X3MSonicXX3MSonicX https://www.behance.net/gallery/86760163/Fa-Posteres-de-007-No-Time-To-Die
    Posts: 2,635
    Felicia.. lol


    and Jack Wade would be Julie Wade? lol
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    edited March 2012 Posts: 16,331
    Alexis Trevelyan
    Ellie Carver
    Gina Graves
    Dominique Greene
  • X3MSonicXX3MSonicX https://www.behance.net/gallery/86760163/Fa-Posteres-de-007-No-Time-To-Die
    Posts: 2,635
    Hahaha...

    Also, La Chiffra?
    Or Drs. Na? (Lmao, wth...)
    Auricia Goldfinger
    Maxinia Zorin (?)
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,331
    X3MSonicX wrote:
    Hahaha...

    Also, La Chiffra?
    Or Drs. Na? (Lmao, wth...)
    Auricia Goldfinger
    Maxinia Zorin (?)

    How about...

    Dr. Sezno
    Aurika Goldfinger
    Maxine Zorin
    Eleanor Stavro Blofeld
    Francesca Scaramanga
    Emily Largo
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    edited March 2012 Posts: 7,854
    Francine Scaramanga, perhaps?
    Harriet Drax.
    Karen Stromberg.
    Elaine Stavro Blofeld.
    Emily Largo. (I just want to say, I typed this before the above post by @Murdock appeared.)
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,331
    Agent007391 wrote:
    Francine Scaramanga, perhaps?
    Harriet Drax.
    Karen Stromberg.
    Elaine Stavro Blofeld.
    Emily Largo. (I just want to say, I typed this before the above post by @Murdock appeared.)

    you could save Francine for
    Francine Sanchez ^_^

  • M_BaljeM_Balje Amsterdam, Netherlands
    edited March 2012 Posts: 4,444
    Alex Trevelyan:

    Be a nice kitty and go to sleap.

    And Q his line in Twine sound more comercial proganda if Bond and Q famale:

    First: Never Let them see you Bleed
    Second: always.jpg have a escape plan

  • X3MSonicXX3MSonicX https://www.behance.net/gallery/86760163/Fa-Posteres-de-007-No-Time-To-Die
    Posts: 2,635
    Also, M would always need to doubt if Bond had the balls for the job.
    XD
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    Well, at least in GoldenEye, Bond wouldn't have been a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.
  • bondsumbondsum
    Posts: 3,333
    A female Bond; Joanna Pettet played Mata Bond who was really James Bond 007 in the original Casino Royale (1967). Once was enough.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,331
    bondsum wrote:
    A female Bond; Joanna Pettet played Mata Bond who was really James Bond 007 in the original Casino Royale (1967). Once was enough.

    That's unofficial, so I wouldn't count it.
    Agent007391 wrote:
    Well, at least in GoldenEye, Bond wouldn't have been a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.

    She would be A Sexy Monogamous Cougar. XD
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    Here's an interesting take on the subject:

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2805474/1/
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    edited March 2012 Posts: 15,690
    'Jane Bond meets Octopussy' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183298/

    'Jane Bond meets Golden Rod' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183300/

    Those are two 007 porn films with a female Bond made in the 1980's.
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    Leave it to somebody who's not me to bring up porn.
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    Posts: 15,690
    lol well I thought these 2 films were relevant with this thread as they feature a female Bond.... I've never seen the 2 films, mind !!
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    I would assume such. I've never even heard of them.
  • jolearonjolearon
    Posts: 645
    Double Oh Hoe.
  • DRESSED_TO_KILLDRESSED_TO_KILL Suspended
    Posts: 260
    This question is a waste of time, the series would end .
  • ENRNST_CATENRNST_CAT
    Posts: 18
    her name would be jane blond and she wouldnt be able to handle a gun[img][/img]
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 23,553
    ENRNST_CAT wrote:
    her name would be jane blond and she wouldnt be able to handle a gun

    Naughty remark, this. ;-)

  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,894
    What if James Bond was a female?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danger_Girl
    http://www.listal.com/list/danger-girl

    I just need to find about £150M. :-B
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,459
    DarthDimi wrote:
    ENRNST_CAT wrote:
    her name would be jane blond and she wouldnt be able to handle a gun

    Naughty remark, this. ;-)

    ... like how Bond dropped his in TMWTGG?
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