Bash your favorite Bond film and/or defend your least favorite

2»

Comments

  • samainsysamainsy Suspended
    Posts: 199
    samainsy wrote:
    I cant do it I cant betray Skyfall and love Thunderball I'm sorry I dont get the point anyway.I do love joking but this is pretty pointless no offence but it should be closed I do love fun though but this is just stupid.


    Never ever thought I'd say this but well said Samainsy!

    Despite Creasy, Skyfall and JWestbrooks efforts to turn this into an interesting thread where one criticises your favourite and defends your most hated this just seems to be a somewhat futile exercise in rather juvenile humour.
    Thank you. Who agrees?

  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    edited April 2013 Posts: 16,328
    Favorite: GoldenEye
    Six Years for this!?! I can watch Remington Steele on TV! Where is Timothy Dalton? What's with that shrieking Techno music? A tank chase...in Russia? Seriously? The cold war is over. The villain being 006 was so predictable. ~X(

    Least Favorite: TMWTGG
    Wow, what a great followup to Live and Let Die. Roger Moore is back as 007 who is against his greatest enemy yet an Assassin who has named him his next target. Back are the thrill, chills and everything we love about Classic Bond. Mary Goodnight Wooo! Making an MI6 agent the Bond girl that's going to lead to some office romance. ;)
  • Favorite Film - OHMSS
    George Lazenby, regretably, is not a great actor and simply doesn't have half the charisma of Sean Connery. The dubbing of Lazenby during the Sir Hilary Bray seqences can be a bit distracting and is not always great. The fact that Bond and Blofeld do not recognize each other after having met one film ago (and as such Bond has been chasing him unsuccessfully for two years on Operation Bedlam) is not only ludicrous, but a plain impossibility. Lazenby's one-liner to the thug he's just knocked out "Maybe you should've been gift-wrapped," is simply corny and unecessary.

    Least Favorite Film - TMWTGG
    Christopher Lee makes a wonderful villain, one of the best in the series. The 360 degree jump on the AMC Hornet over the river is simply a stellar visual stunt. Bond winning the kung fu match after kicking his opponent during the initial bow is funny. Herve Villechaize is amusing at times as a henchman, and his final scene battling Bond on the boat by using wine bottles as weapons is entertaining. Roger Moore disrobing Maud Adams (while having Britt Ekland in his closet) is hot!

    That's the best I can come up with.
  • edited April 2013 Posts: 4,622
    Fav: OHMSS

    What a stink bomb! John Barry was obviously waaay past his prime here and it shows...or sounds. The score has no tension or beauty, and whoever thought to bring that Satchmo hack into the Bondoverse needs to be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad. And Switzerland? Piz Gloria? Please! What were they thinking? Surely the dreariest, least original and most hideous Bond locales of all time. And Blofeld should have been retired after TB. Really one of the weakest villains to spring from the pen of Fleming, or was it McClory? Finally, the action is pure ass. The skiing sequences look like they were shot by some amateur with a Polaroid Land Camera. What a load of maroons this production team was.

    Least Fav: DAD

    Oh. My. God. Purest Bondian glory. I just can't get over Halle Berry. Easily the most marvelous Bond girl of 'em all. The fact she didn't win Best Actress is an indictment on the Oscars that that institution will never live down. I'm surprised the NAACP didn't team up with the Crips and Bloods to burn down Hollywood. I certainly wouldn't have blamed 'em! But as hard as it is to top Jinx, Purvis and Wade managed to with that scintillating script. "Yo mama!"--sheerest genius blazing from the pens of Purvis and Wade, the Shakespeare and Dostoevsky of screenwriting. And what can one say about the amazing CGI special effects that hasn't already been said. Mindbogglingly realistic. Hell, I wouldn't have even recognized it for CGI if I hadn't been told. Put it all together and you've not only got the Best. Bond. Of. All. Time., but the best action film ever to hit the Silver Screen.
    Brilliant Khan. :)) You'll never live that "DAD" review down. I must try this too. I could summon much Olga love, etc.
    OK here goes.

    Fav: DAF
    OMG, what a farce of a Bond film. Connery is way too old and fat and doesn't seem to care at all. This is like an extended Batman episode but way dumber. Could Tiffany Case be more irritating and Blofeld, even when not in drag, is no more menacing than his pet cat, in fact less so. The cat screech, which transitions to the bombasticly bad GF homage of a title song, was the scariest moment in the film. Connery should have stayed retired, or at least spent some time working out with Bambi and Thumper, to achieve even a mimimal pretense of fitness. Not John Barry's finest moment either. His relentless score is headache inducing. And what's with that gaudy orange Mustang (a classy DB5 it is not) exiting the alley, on the wrong set of wheels. Embarrasing. Such a load of camp nonsense...this film makes Flint and Helm seem realistic. Connery was obviously only in it for the money. And whose decision was it to bring Tom Mankiewicz on board anyway?! Har har har. Enough with the so-called smart dialogue and glib witticisms. This isn't an episode of Laugh-in. What a "bombe-surprise" of a film. Good thing Roger Moore came along just in the knick of time to restore needed gravitas to the series.

    Least Fave: QoS

    The deepest and most socially conscious of all the Bond films. Thanks to Paul Haggis' righteous indignation at American exploitation of the natural resources of our brothers and sisters in the global south, the world is that much more informed of such geo-political perfidy on the part of the imperialist West. Brave indeed of the franchise to expose the big bad CIA as populated by the likes of Greg Beam. Shudder.
    And such brilliant stunts. You can believe a man and a woman can crash to earth from absurd heights, with nary a scratch. Just get that chute pulled before impact. It's never too late. Love the editing. I felt like I was in the car with Bond during the pts, with all the realistic shirking and jerking of the camera. It was all easy enough to follow, as if you were bouncing around in the trunk with White. Love it. And I do love the way the tenuous trust relationship between Bond and M was fully extended for another full film. This tender realism really adds to the emotional wallop of the film. Bond is a better agent for it. Now we know he never left. And putting the gunbarrel at the end - genius - not to mention bold and daring. Good to shake things up. And it was so refreshing not to see Bond put the moves on a babe like Camille. Bond seducing his leading ladies has become so cliche. And I thought it was a nice touch for Bond to explore more seedy locales for a change. Tracking Slate to his dump of a hotel or slumming with Leiter in a local dive bar - such a welcome change from the predictable exotic locales that Bond has frequented ad nauseum in other films. Likewise, Greene operating out of a beat-up dockside warehouse. Inspired. Speaking of, QoS should inspire legions of horn-dog Bond wannabees to keep it in their pants, and instead, do some good, get down to Bolivia, and start digging some wells.
  • Posts: 12,837
    If we're doing this seriously then here's mine redone.

    Licence To Kill can look too cheap and American at times and the girl playing Lupe isn't the best actress.

    I really enjoy Die Another Day up until when Jinx starts talking and Brosnan is still great as James Bond.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    Posts: 9,117
    If we're doing this seriously

    I wasn't aware we were? A good idea for a thread but rather derailed by sub Carry On gags like 'wasn't the double take pigeon brilliant! lol'

    It's Duncan Bannatyne time for me with this one.
  • DCisaredDCisared Liverpool
    Posts: 1,329
    Yea I came to this thread in the mindset of actually praising my least favourite and picking out flaws in my favourite, I was disappointed that it was done just for jokes because I think it will be interesting done properly.
  • How many of these are a joke?

    I actually watched Die Another Day last night since it was at the library and all it did was make me angry. The only aspect of this film I liked was Rosamund Pike, who incidentally I danced with once by chance at a Lindy Hop class in London. (I'm not making it up, feel free to ask me about it.)

    Anyway, it's an insult to Fleming and the EON franchise.

    How did that plot get approved?
    Invisible car?
    Every line is a bad pun
    Madonna's theme song?

    And Purvis and Wade were still given a job on Casino Royale?!!!!
  • Posts: 2,483
    timmer wrote:
    Fav: OHMSS

    What a stink bomb! John Barry was obviously waaay past his prime here and it shows...or sounds. The score has no tension or beauty, and whoever thought to bring that Satchmo hack into the Bondoverse needs to be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad. And Switzerland? Piz Gloria? Please! What were they thinking? Surely the dreariest, least original and most hideous Bond locales of all time. And Blofeld should have been retired after TB. Really one of the weakest villains to spring from the pen of Fleming, or was it McClory? Finally, the action is pure ass. The skiing sequences look like they were shot by some amateur with a Polaroid Land Camera. What a load of maroons this production team was.

    Least Fav: DAD

    Oh. My. God. Purest Bondian glory. I just can't get over Halle Berry. Easily the most marvelous Bond girl of 'em all. The fact she didn't win Best Actress is an indictment on the Oscars that that institution will never live down. I'm surprised the NAACP didn't team up with the Crips and Bloods to burn down Hollywood. I certainly wouldn't have blamed 'em! But as hard as it is to top Jinx, Purvis and Wade managed to with that scintillating script. "Yo mama!"--sheerest genius blazing from the pens of Purvis and Wade, the Shakespeare and Dostoevsky of screenwriting. And what can one say about the amazing CGI special effects that hasn't already been said. Mindbogglingly realistic. Hell, I wouldn't have even recognized it for CGI if I hadn't been told. Put it all together and you've not only got the Best. Bond. Of. All. Time., but the best action film ever to hit the Silver Screen.
    Brilliant Khan. :)) You'll never live that "DAD" review down. I must try this too. I could summon much Olga love, etc.
    OK here goes.

    Fav: DAF
    OMG, what a farce of a Bond film. Connery is way too old and fat and doesn't seem to care at all. This is like an extended Batman episode but way dumber. Could Tiffany Case be more irritating and Blofeld, even when not in drag, is no more menacing than his pet cat, in fact less so. The cat screech, which transitions to the bombasticly bad GF homage of a title song, was the scariest moment in the film. Connery should have stayed retired, or at least spent some time working out with Bambi and Thumper, to achieve even a mimimal pretense of fitness. Not John Barry's finest moment either. His relentless score is headache inducing. And what's with that gaudy orange Mustang (a classy DB5 it is not) exiting the alley, on the wrong set of wheels. Embarrasing. Such a load of camp nonsense...this film makes Flint and Helm seem realistic. Connery was obviously only in it for the money. And whose decision was it to bring Tom Mankiewicz on board anyway?! Har har har. Enough with the so-called smart dialogue and glib witticisms. This isn't an episode of Laugh-in. What a "bombe-surprise" of a film. Good thing Roger Moore came along just in the knick of time to restore needed gravitas to the series.

    Least Fave: QoS

    The deepest and most socially conscious of all the Bond films. Thanks to Paul Haggis' righteous indignation at American exploitation of the natural resources of our brothers and sisters in the global south, the world is that much more informed of such geo-political perfidy on the part of the imperialist West. Brave indeed of the franchise to expose the big bad CIA as populated by the likes of Greg Beam. Shudder.
    And such brilliant stunts. You can believe a man and a woman can crash to earth from absurd heights, with nary a scratch. Just get that chute pulled before impact. It's never too late. Love the editing. I felt like I was in the car with Bond during the pts, with all the realistic shirking and jerking of the camera. It was all easy enough to follow, as if you were bouncing around in the trunk with White. Love it. And I do love the way the tenuous trust relationship between Bond and M was fully extended for another full film. This tender realism really adds to the emotional wallop of the film. Bond is a better agent for it. Now we know he never left. And putting the gunbarrel at the end - genius - not to mention bold and daring. Good to shake things up. And it was so refreshing not to see Bond put the moves on a babe like Camille. Bond seducing his leading ladies has become so cliche. And I thought it was a nice touch for Bond to explore more seedy locales for a change. Tracking Slate to his dump of a hotel or slumming with Leiter in a local dive bar - such a welcome change from the predictable exotic locales that Bond has frequented ad nauseum in other films. Likewise, Greene operating out of a beat-up dockside warehouse. Inspired. Speaking of, QoS should inspire legions of horn-dog Bond wannabees to keep it in their pants, and instead, do some good, get down to Bolivia, and start digging some wells.

    I do believe you could have gone on another 1,500 words on QoS, mate. :-bd

    But steady on there! Some kiddies in these parts are like to take your review seriously, do a couple of fist pumps, and bash out their monitors. You could be held liable.
  • edited April 2013 Posts: 4,622
    I'll try a serious attempt now.
    Fave:DAF
    A few minor quibbles
    1. the car exiting the alley on the wrong wheels is one of the worst continuity errors in the series. yes I know they originally did manage to shoot the scene correctly, but had to scrub the shot because they hadn't managed to clear away the gawking crowd lined-up on the Vegas streets. Unfortunately the re-shoot resulted in the car exiting the alley with the wrong wheels up. The insert that they shoved in after the fact, to suggest that the car had somehow rolled and shifted the weight to the other side of the car, really doesn't help much
    2. Sean's slapping of Tiffany, poolside. This slapping of women I think was getting a little tiresome by this point, even if it persisted into the Rog era until TMWTGG. I think the filmmakers could have had Bond make his point with Tiffany without slapping her. I do realize that there was a dead girl floating in her pool and that Bond was telling her, that it was time to stop playing games, that it's a deadly business she's got herself mixed up in, and that it was time to come clean. Yes he had to forcefully make this point, or Tiffany might have persisted with her self-serving bs, but still I don't like the slap.
    3. Sean is too hard on Tiffany over her misguided tape switch on the oil-rig."you're problems are all behind you now" hardly qualifies as a clear instruction as to what is going on with the tapes. I don't blame her for attempting to switch the tapes. Bond had been captured, so it appeared the task had fallen into her hands. Bond calling her a stupid twit, was harsh especially when he failed to communicate to her that the job had been done.

    Least fave: QoS
    1. I do like the pts car chase; the way we were plunged directly into the action of the chase, and with much of the scene viewed from Bond's driver pov. It's a bit tough to follow, but it still works quite well I think.
    2. Olga is a great Bond girl. She looks fab, exudes that sassy attitude that I like in a Bond girl, but tempers it with vulnerability, but not so much as to lose her edge.
    3. I do like the way Mathis was cast and portrayed. All of his scenes are again very strong as they were in CR. His reunion scene with Bond, in which Gemma chides him for only buying cheap wine was well done.
    4. Bond's strategy for exposing the Quantum gathering at Tosca was very well done. Such creativity is what we expect from Bond, and he really rubbed it in their nose as well. I found this reminiscent of Fleming's Bond who did delight in verbally taking down villains whenever he could.
  • DB5DB5
    Posts: 408
    Fav: OHMSS

    What a stink bomb! John Barry was obviously waaay past his prime here and it shows...or sounds. The score has no tension or beauty, and whoever thought to bring that Satchmo hack into the Bondoverse needs to be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad. And Switzerland? Piz Gloria? Please! What were they thinking? Surely the dreariest, least original and most hideous Bond locales of all time. And Blofeld should have been retired after TB. Really one of the weakest villains to spring from the pen of Fleming, or was it McClory? Finally, the action is pure ass. The skiing sequences look like they were shot by some amateur with a Polaroid Land Camera. What a load of maroons this production team was.

    Least Fav: DAD

    Oh. My. God. Purest Bondian glory. I just can't get over Halle Berry. Easily the most marvelous Bond girl of 'em all. The fact she didn't win Best Actress is an indictment on the Oscars that that institution will never live down. I'm surprised the NAACP didn't team up with the Crips and Bloods to burn down Hollywood. I certainly wouldn't have blamed 'em! But as hard as it is to top Jinx, Purvis and Wade managed to with that scintillating script. "Yo mama!"--sheerest genius blazing from the pens of Purvis and Wade, the Shakespeare and Dostoevsky of screenwriting. And what can one say about the amazing CGI special effects that hasn't already been said. Mindbogglingly realistic. Hell, I wouldn't have even recognized it for CGI if I hadn't been told. Put it all together and you've not only got the Best. Bond. Of. All. Time., but the best action film ever to hit the Silver Screen.

    ROTFLMAO!!!

  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,687
    timmer wrote:
    I'll try a serious attempt now.

    That was very interesting. \m/
  • edited April 2013 Posts: 7,653
    WORST
    Quantum of Bourne - Daniel Craig was really good too bad the movie did not reflect that as well. Matt Damon couldn't have made this movie better even if it is clearly closer to the Bourne movies than anything else.

    BEST
    From Russia with love - The last act with the chopper was apperently a kind of hommage to North by Northwest but it was not a great finale.
  • Posts: 2,483
    The Serious Approach:

    OHMSS:

    I think the titles are a bit overrated. Certainly not bad stuff, mark you, but not elite either. And the brassy, jazzy, ebullient Bond theme striking within scant moments of Tracy's murder is jarring to say the least. The viewer needs some time to process that tragic event before being jolted back into joie de vivre. That's a fairly serious mistake and the fact that it concludes the film makes it worse.

    DAD:

    The Cuban scenes before Jinx shows up are very good. The meeting with Raoul was top-notch stuff, and Bond's cruise in the black, '57 Ford makes you think you are about to embark upon a fine Bond adventure. To take a line from TLD, "I set my hopes up way too high..."
  • pachazopachazo Make Your Choice
    Posts: 7,314
    Originally I didn't want to do this but... why not give it a go?

    Bashing Casino Royale - Not only does Daniel Craig not look like James Bond but his recklessness is just too much from what we have come to expect from our favorite British spy. They spend a large chunk of the movie playing a card game. Why go through with the scenario in the first place? Just bring Le Chiffre in for questioning. The ending really does drag on a bit doesn't it? Perhaps they could have edited out some of the romance scenes so as not to lose momentum.

    Defending Licence To Kill - Timothy Dalton really does his best to try and hold this thing together. His expressions and reactions in the scene where he finds a bloody Felix Leiter are amazing. I also really like the shot in the desert, after the trucks have crashed, where he is hobbling around and the glare of the sun hits the camera. It reminds me of an old Western. The casino scene is also great and feels very Bondian.
  • royale65royale65 Caustic misanthrope reporting for duty.
    Posts: 4,417
    Ok, I'll give it a bash -

    Least Fav - Diamonds Are Forever

    Sean Connery is immense, and has the "old graces pro about him" (Tom Mankiewicz), giving the rather lightweight cast a bit of presence. Jill St. John brings great mischiefness quality, and great dignity, to a role that shouldn't have had any. The style of Bond's world contrasts nicely with the tacky, gaudy nature of Las Vegas, Mankiewicz comes up with some real zingers, and Diamonds has a dark, macabre element to it, plus, as Khanners would say, the film is chocked full of the "begin bizarre".

    Fav - From Russia With Love

    Uhm..........

    The "hand wave" at the end, is rather camp.

  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    edited April 2013 Posts: 12,459
    @Perilagu_Khan, and @Timmer, and others - you are priceless. Yes, the humorous angle is best.
    But I will try both later on. Ummm. Here is my attempt at humor:

    Fav - The Spy Who Loved Me
    What's with the opening ski jump? What idiot in their right mind would call attention to himself by having their country's flag as the chute? Doesn't that scream "target right here - take aim"?? And Bond was wearing a banana yellow ski suit that looked like a kid's jumper, yet again putting a bulls eye right on himself. Like a floating school bus. What secret agent would be SECRET doing stunts like that? It makes no sense whatsoever.
    I suppose having the Egyptian pyramids as a location was supposed to be fresh or different, but yawn ...
    And who cares if the henchman is a towering giant of immense strength? Boring. Metal teeth to chomp through cables and necks? Yawn. Lousy writers and casting agent.
    This movie just drags along, no exciting chases, suspense, romance, rivalry; plus stupid music that nobody liked, just hack stuff. The lead Bond girl turns out to be a Russian agent he is forced to work with. Although, she is triple X rated (apparently) she and Bond seem to have no chemistry or sizzle. What a bland pairing.
    A car that goes underwater? Just comic book stuff and so unrealistic. You could tell it was fake the whole time. What was Q doing in this movie? Working half asleep?
    This one should be called The Spy Who Bored Me.


    Least Fav (one of, anyway):
    The Man With The Golden Gun
    Oooh, starting with a swinging theme song that won't leave your mind for days on end, this movie rocks like the best of 70's! Yeah, baby! Bond is here, with startling dramatic flair by in-his-prime Moore, being pursued by a professional assassin (oh the comparisons!). Christopher Lee is dark, strong, handsome and still in his full powers of Dracula (including his teeth) - what woman wouldn't swoon? Plus he has ... wait for it ... a golden gun!
    A fantastic boat race including everybody's favorite southern darling, JW Peppah, excitement and humor from the shortest henchman ever, witty kung fu fights and a flying car! What more could you want? A highly intelligent and savvy, well trained agent like Mary Goodnight? You got it! Goodnight, Goodnight - never fear, James Bond is here! ;)


  • edited April 2013 Posts: 4,622
    @4EverBonded Nice job! :))
    "Although, she is triple X rated (apparently) she and Bond seem to have no chemistry or sizzle. What a bland pairing. "
    She's an alien. Just ask @Luds
    "everybody's favorite southern darling, JW Peppa"........"A highly hintelligent and savvy, well trained agent like Mary Goodnight? " Not sure which of these two is brainier.
  • Posts: 2,483
    I like your send-up of Gun 4EverBonded.
  • edited April 2014 Posts: 5,745
    Thread revive! Been thinking about Skyfall lately, and I have to get everything I dislike about it out of the way. It's not my favorite, but I do like it. There are just some-to-many issues I have with it. So,

    Skyfall

    The film opens with a 20-minute action set piece extravaganza meant to dive you straight into the film, but for me, it doesn't. There's no gunbarrell. It's been three films now, well two.. I'll let CR slide. But still, for Mendes to tout how he wanted to bring back the little things from the classic films, like the DB5, like the sometimes-corny jokes (more on this later), etc, not to open with a GB is a bit hypocritical, no matter how great an opening shot.
    Getting really controversial, I feel like the whole opening chase just looks.. staged. At least until Bond and Patrice exit the tunnel on the bridge. Then the music, the cinematography, and the action pulls me in, but only at the end! Up until that point, I simply don't enjoy the chase. It's not as enthralling and inclusive as the Parkour chase from CR or the car chase from QoS. It simply feels.. put on. Look in the spoiler for more detail if you'd like to read...
    1. I don't like M. talking to Bond over the headset. Just seems off. It's never been necessary before, it's not necessary now. Bond could easily still hate M. for getting him shot by Eve telling him later or something, or maybe he could just be mad, yaknow, because Eve shot him and not want to go back. The radios serve no real purpose imho.
    2. The cars move really, really slow it seems. I feel like I'm watching Bond and Eve on a Disney ride chasing Patrice. The music is boring, the cutting is too safe. I don't want QoS level editing, but something a little more.. exciting perhaps. The skid the "Black Audi" does almost looked like the car was on a track.. like on a Disney ride.
    3. The motorcycle bit was good, until awkward watch shot of Bond's wrist and terrible CGI PoutFace2.0™
    4. The entirety of the train part is the best. I sort of wish they had just kept it short, cut the car chase, cut the bike chase, and we just open with Bond telling Eve this dude has the thing and he's not supposed to. Save the boring pointless plot MacGuffin exposition for later. The cufflinks adjustment was supposedly on the spot thinking by Craig. Bravo. But cut the crap.

    Moving on to the title song. I like Adele. I like the song. But it is repetitive, it is slightly boring, it is slightly bland. Simply not Bond-enough. Not what I had in mind when I heard Adele would be doing it. Not full potential. Having a good composer help with the writing of the song would have done the song a whole lotta good. Who knows if Adele has actually any basic understanding of the series? For all we know she only sees Brosnan and Craig as Bond. I don't get an idea of a strong understanding for the character, or any real emotion from the song. It's good, but not as good as it should have been.

    Smoothly moving on to the composition of the film. The soundtrack is poor. Rated as such because I personally only enjoy a few choice pieces, and the rest sort of drags the film down and bores me. Like I said, the bit with the train on the bridge (nnnnDun Dun..nnnnDunDun...nnnn) is the first thing that actually pulled me into the movie; other greats are the casino arrival and few others. But overall nothing too memorable, nothing worthy of listening to outside of the film. Poor.

    Friggin Eve-ntually Moneypenny. I was going to put "fucking", but that's not allowed and you might get the wrong idea. Or the right idea. The film isn't even sure if they did.. you know.. do it. But anyways, Harris is clunky and her character is straight up goofy in the opening of the film. I see an actress with starlit eyes, a little girl living a fairy tale, not a character in a movie. She doesn't convince me throughout the whole film as a decent actress or a good fit for the role until she's in the blue dress behind the desk at the end. That's where she belonged the whole time. It worked so perfectly, and I was immediately excited for her character.. but at the end of the movie. Before that, her and Craig do-not, in my opinion and no matter what you all try to convince me, have good chemistry out in the field and in the office until she is revealed as Moneypenny.

    The dialogue. Every conversation is simple and really rather cliche. Every sentence is short. Every line, dramatic. Every look, defensive. Every face is moody. Just like this paragraph. Dramatic. Like a summary. Just not the same. Sad.

    Goddamit, give me some good dialogue! All the characters are trying too hard to express emotion, all the lines are cut short. There's no substance outside of visuals in this film, from the throwaway opening plot device, to M. getting fired, to Silva trying to kill her. Two days after I watch the film, I don't even remember if Bond talks! Try to really focus on how little is said between the main characters next time you watch it, it's startling.
    **This complaint not including Silva's monologue or Q banter**

    Moving on to Bond's "mood". I hate it. I get why he could be sad, I get why he should be sad, but it isn't done very well. And it isn't Craigs fault. The script really leaves little to work with. The best answer I've read came a year-and-a-half after the film was released and it was that the slight radiation from Patrices bullet gave Bond extreme fatigue until he removed it. Which totally makes sense, and maybe even was intentional in the film. My complaint is that it would have been 100% clearer to have Tanner say it when he gets the report on the bullet, or even a scene with Q! Otherwise Bond just looks and acts like a B!tch.

    Also, Silva's death really was disappointing AT THE VERY LEAST. Very poorly done. And while we're being honest, M.'s death was hardly as dramatic as I imagined it to be when I spoiled it for myself before viewing. Perhaps that's why it didn't effect me, though.


    This was not a joke review. I'm serious about everything above. But as previously mentioned, I liked the film. I just can't watch it 10 times in a row like with CR, GE, FRWL, GF, FYEO, etc. Just not that good.

  • Posts: 14,799
    Not my favourite, but the best, FRWL, which I will now bash with all the intelligence someone who would bash it would. So here it is:

    Okay, so where to start? It was an early Bond, I guess this is why people review it so well usually, but it is lame, lame, LAME. First, the plot: BO-RING. It is slow, for the whole beginning you don't even see Bond, except in the PTS, except the Bond in the PTS isn't even Bond but a disguised man killed by the henchman. What is that?

    So ah yes the plot. The villains, lead by Blofeld who is never seen, want to trap Bond by having him take a coding machine from the Soviets called Lektor. As I said, BO-RING. No giant lazer, no doomsday device, nothing like that. Just some lame typewriter looking thingie. Oh, and they want to take revenge for the death of Dr. No in the previous movie.

    The Bond girls? There is one who is more important than the others, I mean they make the Bond girl central to the scheme of the villain, which is pretty stupid, because she ends up a damsel in distress. Tatiana Romanova, played by Daniella Bianchi is otherwise nothing more than a glorified secretary. She does not kick butt like Jinx or May Day, or Way Lin, we are not even sure until the end of she is good or bad. (Confused audiences, hello?). Otherwise, yes there are others, but we rarely see them. It seems that Bond had a threesome with Gypsy girls. Big deal. I'll rather see a Bond girl who kicks butt and actually helps him along with fighting and shooting skills! Or a villainess. Not some ambiguous chick. Bond girls should be like the icing on the cake, some rich stuff that makes it yummy, not like, part of the cake so it can hold.

    And the villains? Villains are even worse! I mean at least the Bond girl was sort of good looking (not good looking like Denise Richards, but sort of good looking in a old fashioned, 60s way, if you are into that sort of thing). So we have Blofeld which spends his time talking and stroking a cat and we don't see his face. We have Rosa Klebb, an ugly FEMALE villain in Bond. Now I have nothing against female villains, but make her pretty and sexy then! Not like, really ugly. Bond wouldn't sleep with her! And of course he does not, but then why put a female there as a villain? Compared Klebb to Elektra King and see how things massively improved afterwards. And Rosa Klebb a lesbian. Why oh why? I have nothing against lesbians characters, but they get rid of the titillating aspect of lesbianism by making her ugly and like, making a move at the Bond girl that was really creepy and unsettling. I prefer lesbian characters when they pander to my male heterosexual fantasies, thank you very much. Oh, and there is Grant, the main henchman. Or maybe main villain, the film doesn't seem to know. He spends a lot of time preying on Bond and seems to have some creepy homosexual fascination for 007. Again, creepy and unsettling! Why can't he just be evil? And he does more than Bond, even saving him from time to time, until the final confrontation. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Bond should not be put in such tight corner. He should always easily get over a situation. And he should have gadgetry to get off danger (more on that below). Grant has no funny scars or I don't know, diamonds in the face, he is just some blond aryan type future movies will do better. They should have cast a bodybuilder or something. Sure, Robert Shaw is athletic and he is supposed to be a renown actor (but I don't care about that and who does, I mean it is not Shakespeare, it is frigging James Bond), but he just, like... acts when he should look mean and fight Bond in the end in an exciting manner (read: with Bond using gadgets). Instead, there is a fist fight in the dark between the two that should settle it. And they have a long conversation before, I guess Terence Young thought he was directing Shakespeare and he'd need his two male actors to interact before the action scene. Again: BO-RING!!!

    So about the rest. The gadgets are nearly non-existent, except for a lame suitcase with minimal stuff that are not even OTT. The gadgets are believable spying tools. No lazer watch, exploding pens or anything fun. The action? What action? There is barely any. Everything is soooo slow. And there is so much talking! I want to see action, not talking.

    Anyway, this is by far the worst Bond movie ever, badly cast, badly directed, badly paced, too long, too much talking, and in one word: BO-RING!

    Now did I do well? And do you recognize the arguments? When you read or hear them from someone being serious, you know you are in the presence of a complete imbecile, or a very uneducated person.
  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    edited September 2015 Posts: 9,020
    Favourite film: GE
    Least favourite film: DAF

    GOLDENEYE

    First of all, a dress man and former boyish faced wuss as James Bond, really? Remington Steele finally appointed to 00 agent, a joke.

    The PTS has Brosnan upside down entering the screen bawling "forgot to knock", oh well, he should have said "forgot to act".
    What follows must be the greatest mix up in movie history.
    006 Alec Trevelyan plays 007 James Bond to the wall in every aspect.
    I mean, bloody hell, you have Sean Bean in the same James Bond movie as Pierce Brosnan and you give the role of Bond to Brosnan??????
    Well, BB + MGW must have been drunk or the legal department of EON simply mixed up the contracts and accidentally given the roles to the wrong actors.

    Tina Turner belting out a U2 tune that is ear shattering and everything on screen is a golden mashup of something vaguely reflecting a Bond titles sequence.

    Are we still in the 80's? The whole look of the movie makes one think this is a movie made in 1988.
    Talking about ridiculous casting. Another German as a villain or henchman? Seriously? Does anybody at EON really think Gerd Fröbe or Curt Jürgens could ever be topped?

    Good Lord, a woman as M? A woman!? I mean, a woman!!!!! Is BB a feminist or what?
    Damn Judi Dench...I mean Dame Judi Dench playing the head of MI6? Is this Star Maidens or what the frack?

    The Broz driving around in an Aston Martin is a parody and what the frack is Fatima Blush
    doing in Goldeneye? Isn't she supposed to be dead...oh...wait....it's not her after all just some sort of carbon copy of her...how can anyone named Famke get a role in a movie...

    A tank chase in St. Petersburg. Just when I though it can't get more ridiculous than driving a gondolier through Venice (on the streets mind you!) they give us this!

    Oh and by the way, what's that constant noise in the background during the movie...I have to figure that out...maybe later....

    Displaced and demolished iconic political statues on a grave/junkyard. Ok now we're getting somewhere...but what's this...oh Pierce Brosnan trying to look serious...hmmm....fat chance if you're playing against Sean Bean....!

    Ejection seat Brosnan style. How original. Ejected out of a helicopter that's not even in the air. And miraculously the parachute changes colours in mid-flight. Must be some sort of new cloaking technology....or is it the prop department that failed miserably...

    Hey, I found out what the noise is!!! It is the "music", the so-called score. Is this someone trying to make music with a blender, dryer and some silverware hitting on the kitchen sink?

    What must be the most boring Bond girl ever is constantly moaning how James is destroying all the vehicles in the movie. Dear, whatever your name is (are you still in the acting business?) this is supposed to be a James Bond movie, so vehicles get destroyed, live with it or get lost.

    Finally a set that looks something like out of a Connery or Moore movie. The Goldeneye headquarters of Sean "I should have been Bond" Bean.
    Nice and now he's explaining his clever plot to rule the world or destroy the world or whatever it is he wants to do. Something like a early Y2K incident...I don't get it.
    Anyway, the usual "ultimate face-off" with the baddie has begun.
    They are running around a satellite dish climbing up stairs, which makes perfect sense as up there it is safe to have a fight.
    Sadly, 006 falls to his death (oh...wait....he survived) just to be crushed by the falling chandelier...I mean satellite dish construction metal something.
    Why oh why did not James get killed. At least then EON could have, in a clever plot twist, promoted 006 to 007 and given him the job in Tomorrow Never Dies.
    What's a name anyway...I mean: "Broccoli presents Sean Bean as Alec Trevelyan in: Tomorrow Never Dies" would have been so much better than having this wannabe "I'm so cool" 00...0 agent Pierce Brosnan back for another go at the role.


    DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

    Finally, Sean Connery the greatest actor ever, is back as James Bond. And how great he looks. Now he is a real man, including some long overdue overweight and a hairdo that is so bloody freaking great. And look at that dress! Has he ever looked better!? The PTS is the best ever, he is a mean mother***er beating the s**t out of that damn Blofeld. At last a real menacing Blofeld that walks, talks and has body doubles! He is so believable he even can walk around cross-dressing. Donald Pleasance: go and be ashamed of yourself not having that idea!

    Bambi & Thumper, Walt Disney would be proud of you. And the long overdue cat-fight in a pool, I haven't been that excited since seeing Krystle and Alexis having a cat-fight in the lily pond at Carrington's.

    Now we know the truth: Thanks to the greatest Sean James Bond Connery moment ever. The moon-landing was faked!! I knew it!!
    After what must be the best CGI explosions ever to date in the movie history James finally meets his match(es).
    How about that, at last some mean, gay, witty, jealous, dangerous henchman. That romance between Wint & Kidd always makes me cry. It's so heartwarming and imagining how they cuddle and f...k each other gives me endless boners.
    Grrrr.....Wint you are so deliciously delicious you're the cream topping on my lollipop.

    The prop and set department have outdone themselves. After the over-the-top totally unrealistic Piz Gloria (who the frack would ever built such a funny looking thing on top of a mountain?? The Swiss?? Never.....) they finally built something so elaborate so exciting so.....Las Vegas....LAS VEGAS......LAS VEGASSSSSS......the moment every Bond fan dreamed of...they have recreated Las Vegas for the best ever car chase ever best car chase ever best car chase....sorry, got lost of excitement for a moment.

    Bond driving through that narrow street between buildings must be the best stunt ever.

    Talk about iconic Bond Girls. Tiffany Case, just that name....Audrey Hepburn comes to mind....Breakfast with Tiffany wearing a nice little nothing. Uhhh...and changing wigs every now and then....huhhh I'm getting hot....
    Does she talk? Can't focus....with that boner...

    What's this? A fight in an elevator? That must be the only scene in the movie that is really boring, unoriginal and unbelievable. What did they think to include this?

    Oh no!! The movie is over, so soon?? And the best ever death to a villain, two villains, one getting set on fire and the other one gets exploded, and both thrown over board.

    Diamonds Are Forever, like the song, a classic in every way and the one Bond movie that surpasses them all with Connery at the peak of his Bondhood finally not overplaying his part so shamelessly as before.
  • mcdonbbmcdonbb deep in the Heart of Texas
    Posts: 4,116
    LTK not just a great Bond film but a great film. Kubrick I'm sure wished he had been just an inkling of the director Glen is..

    (I can't do this I think I'm gonna be sick .. :-t )

    CR ..uggh well all I can say gave me a good chance to nap.
  • Posts: 2,400
    The PTS has Brosnan upside down entering the screen bawling "forgot to knock", oh well, he should have said "forgot to act".

    :'D
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    That African Rundown in CR was so CGI while that swordfight in DAD was so authentic.
  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    edited September 2015 Posts: 4,399
    openly bash From Russia With Love, and sing the praises of Die Another Day??.... hmmm.... i think i would rather go through this...

    james-bond-balls-smashed-o_zpsywc5emwa.gif
  • Posts: 14,799
    HASEROT wrote: »
    openly bash From Russia With Love, and sing the praises of Die Another Day??.... hmmm.... i think i would rather go through this...

    james-bond-balls-smashed-o_zpsywc5emwa.gif

    Try it as a parody of a bad review and stupid reviewer. I think it worked with mine. Like a disguised homage.
Sign In or Register to comment.