The James Bond Limerick Thread

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  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Mollaka was a mad bomber with a carved up face
    Whom Bond engaged with in a bloody exhausting chase
    Into the embassy Mollaka would head
    Bond followed, and with a bullet made him dead
    The tortoise and not the hare, had won this race.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    She was one of the most special women Bond would ever know
    But in this moment of acceptance his heart had to let her go
    He knew her by the name of Vesper
    And for the rest of his days he'd never forget her
    He loosens his grasp and lets the necklace fall to the snow


    AND

    With subterfuge Bond made Dr. No's plans a wrap
    His disguise blown, the two had a nasty scrap
    Soon after the good doctor was spent
    With Bond's kick, into the acid he was sent
    Still, it's better than dying under a pile of crap
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 23,447
    Waking up under a mango tree
    Bond's eyes cannot believe the things that they see
    She isn't hooking
    And he is just looking
    But man is she stunning in that white bikini!

  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Bond stumbled out from the bar
    He did not get very far
    Drink and drive he did not
    cause he simply forgot
    where he parked his invisible car
  • Posts: 6,396
    There once was a man with three nips
    His man servant lived off his tips
    An assassin was hired
    Poor Fransisco was tired
    “You’ll be the death of me yet Nick Nack” he quips

  • Posts: 5,745
    He lost his soon-to-be wife
    Followed by handling her strife
    The old M. is dead
    Moneypenny is in bed
    Bond has a new lease on life
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Hector was proud of his pool
    He strolled around like King Cool
    Preparing to dive
    he felt so alive
    But then he felt like a fool
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 13,879
    Hector had a seaplane, but not a clear shot
    He killed somebody's dear mum, and missed a Havelock
    Never on the straight and narrow
    Falling not from cupid's arrow
    See our girl Melina teach him how to belly-flop.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Despite the mess Mendes made,
    I wish that Logan had stayed.
    He had no more fun,
    now he has run.
    Time to call Purvis and Wade.

  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Attacked from behind by a thug.
    His teeth into his shoulders dug.
    With a scream and a shout,
    Roger Moore kicked him out.
    But Kiel just wanted a hug.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Kristatos has covered his tracks
    Nothing in his plan lacks
    But Melina and Bond
    on that blue Greek pond
    can always trust in Max.
  • Solitaire had a gift which 007 knicked
    now she's nothing to Mr Big
    Bond stacked the deck now she's
    nothing but a wreck
    oh what a fool she has been
  • TokolosheTokoloshe Under your bed
    Posts: 2,667
    There once was a villain named Greene
    On whom Camille seemed implausibly keen
    But did Bond get his way
    With a roll in the hay?
    Dear friends, that remains to be seen!
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Though he lost some limbs to a beast that was quite a biter
    With a hooked hand he's still a skilled fighter
    His closest ally is a chap named James Bond
    An agent of MI6 hailing from across the pond
    Give it up everyone for Felix Leiter
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited December 2014 Posts: 5,080
    'Twas in the film, Die Another Day
    Where the character of Miss Moneypenny went astray
    Wearing virtual reality glasses unaided
    The secretary we once knew now faded
    Due to a scene that we found rather risqué
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    There once was a fine girl named O'Toole
    Whose looks were enough to make any man drool
    One day in a hotel suite
    Indecent with only heels on her feet
    She was thrown, like a penny, into a swimming pool

  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited December 2014 Posts: 5,080
    For our Judi, Skyfall was the end
    James Bond had lost a boss, and a very good friend
    For her final scene, I needed a box of tissues
    But at least there will be no more mummy issues
    For it was becoming an ever so annoying trend
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited December 2014 Posts: 28,694
    Christmas

    As a new month appears we're entering a time most nice
    Of caroling troupes, warm soups, and roads covered with ice
    As tinsel hangs on trees with glowing lights
    We're with kith and kin, what sweet delights
    If only each year it could come twice.
  • There once was a woman called Volpe
    who drove 007 loopy
    he danced her to death
    now he's looking for a rest
    so he's off on the Disco Volante
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Florists are a very dangerous lot
    With their vines to grow and plants to pot
    A revelation that's quite the scare
    Is that they have people everywhere
    Far more than poor Quantum has ever got
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    SPECTRE are back for Bond 24
    There's speculation, excitement and trepidation galore
    With Mendes and co onboard again
    Let's hope there'll be nothing for us to complain
    For I'm sure that we all want this film to wipe the floor
  • There once was a woman named M
    Who never took sh*t from her men.
    'Til she had to abscond
    To avoid one, with Bond
    And nobody saw her again.


    A depressing one but that's what came to mind.
  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    Posts: 9,020
    There once was a guy, he was short
    Michael said, that's not the kind of sort
    Barbara meant, don't care, he's hot
    Michael replied, his blonde hair is not!
    Babs insisted, it doesn't matter for the plot
    And look at that perfectly rounded rear!
    Michael rolled his eyes, oh Dear, oh Dear
    Then Casino Royale opened to great success
    But before Craigisnotbond.com made a mess
    Today people wonder why did everybody cry
    Everything went fine, Babs still has the say
    Next up we'll get Jamie Bell
    Even shorter and blonder bloody hell!



  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 23,447
  • jake24jake24 Sitting at your desk, kissing your lover, eating supper with your familyModerator
    edited December 2016 Posts: 10,586
    .
  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    edited December 2016 Posts: 9,020
    There was a day when I got Goodhead
    Not the next day but Pussy Galore instead
    Goodnight, Goodnight is saying quietly
    At least the Russian Girl will get Onatopp of me
    Honey is a good Ryder and I get Plenty
    I don't need that XXX I got for twenty
    Tomorrow I'll have breakfast with Tiffany
    and I make Christmas come regularly
    When I'm in Paris I play Domino and Solitaire
    I always rise to the occasion it's just fair
    Attempting re-entry as much as I want
    Will give them a re-fill because I'm Bond.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    @BondJasonBond006, that's one of the most amazing things I've ever read, and I've studied classic literature! If that limerick didn't appear as an epitaph on Bond's grave, I would personally be outraged!
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited December 2016 Posts: 28,694
    Oy. Bad MI6, bad!
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Oy. Bad MI6, bad!

    Is that an American limerick?
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Oy. Bad MI6, bad!

    Is that an American limerick?

    Just a speedy condemnation of the Vanilla software that runs the forum, and causes double posting every once in a while.

    But you can take it as an experimental limerick if you wish.
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